Mommedy

Last (THIS!) Friday Night...-Katy Perry

2011-08-01T23:27:00.000-07:00

Katy at the Grammys...not my pic.

Since I previously used "The Final Countdown" by Europe for the title of my "pre-BlogHer" post LAST year, I am paying homage to an upcoming "model" of mine, Katy Perry.

Yes, folks, the rumors are all true. I will be shooting Katy Perry (THE Katy Perry), a.k.a. the wife of Russell Brand (a.k.a. Mr. Katy Perry), a.k.a. owner of best cleavage ever (according to my hottie hubby). Just a few days post BlogHer, she will be performing in my beloved San Diego, and I will be her official concert photographer that night. (Thank you, EH!) So, in her honor, my pre-BlogHer post will feature the titles of her more popular songs that I know, and can use without embarassing repercussions.
My E.T.A. at Blogher, is going to be as close to the 8AM breakfast as I can get on Friday morning. I am hitching a ride with my roomie this year, Melissa, of "Melissa Likes To Eat" fame. Yes, THE Melissa.

I doubt our arrival will be heralded by FIREWORKs, since it is in the daytime, and they wouldn't really show up, anyway, but we are super excited, nevertheless! It's Melissa's first BlogHer, and as a three-time veteran, I am happy to show her the ~~fastest route to the bar~~ ~~best parties to attend~~ ropes.

I jokingly wished for BlogHer 2011 to be held in San Diego at the 2010 convention in New York last year! Be careful what you wish for! Now ALL the female bloggers attending are going to be CALIFORNIA GURLS. Yes, that's the way it is spelled. I Googled.

I was HOT AND COLD about even attending this year, since my roomie for the past two years bailed. I am still very upset. Very, very upset. Sue. Happy Hour Sue. Please feel free to visit her blog, www.HappyMealsandHappyHour.blogspot.com and give her some crap! Next year, no excuses!!


Cute blue dress, huh?


Luckily, one of my best friends and neighbor, whom I sort of got into blogging (yes, I am taking credit, here...her blog www.MelissaLikesto Eat.com is delish!) was planning on attending, so now we are roomies. The hotel is a mere 35 minutes from our homes, but that's 35 minutes away from the house and kids for two days! Freedom with a bay view, and free parking! And a mini-bar.

In preparation, I printed, then blinged, my blog logo on two t-shirts (one for each day). I also printed up my "business" cards, replete with a totally photoshopped picture of myself on it. That's so after the convention is over, bloggers I give my card to can remember what I wish I looked like...a TEENAGE DREAM. OK, more like their mother. Just gotta go get my spray tan, bleach my teeth, get my nails done, and lose 15 lbs. by Thursday. No problem.

Esquire Magazine owns this amazing pic...wish I had shot it!

If all goes well, I will post some pix during the event. There should be some killer photo-opps, as my roomie and I are ready to party!!! I just hope I don't find myself WAKING UP IN VEGAS!

Stay tuned...

The Tide Is High...-Blondie

2011-06-25T16:45:00.000-07:00

Had I known this was going to happen, I would have ~~built an ark~~ moved my nicer shoes up on a shelf! Crap!

I came home yesterday to a FLOOD in my kitchen and family room. Ok, not a "REAL" flood, like the ones that carry away homes, but the kind that happens when the filter in your refridgerator decides to STOP taking impurities out of your "through the door" water and ice cubes, and start spewing H2O throughout your home.

Thank GOD I didn't decide to run "just a few more errands" before heading home!

I pulled into the garage after letting my girls get out of the car in the driveway. They always run ahead into the house to let the dog out, and my little one helps me guide the car all the way up to the "I've hit it before" treadmill at the front of the garage. She's really good at getting me within centimeters of another trip to the body shop!

As I park and check the car for fast food remnants that need to be ~~hidden from Daddy~~ taken out of the car, I hear my older daughter screaming! I run in, only to find "Lake Sullivan" in our kitchen and family room! I can see the refridgerator filter is the source, and after trying to replace it, unsuccessfully, I try to remember where the house water shut-off valve is. Also, unsuccessfully.

I dial my friend in hopes her "property manager" husband can help...I can't reach him on his cell. My brain swims. I run out side, only to realize that I am attempting to turn off the water to all our yard sprinklers. That won't help. I finally recall the location of the house water valve, and shut it off. Whew! Now to address the pond.

You never know how many towels you have in your house until you have a flood. I have way too many. I kind of knew this, and I SWEAR, three days ago, almost donated half of them to a local animal rescue center. Thank GOD I waited! Those doggies will just have to wait until the 9 towel-filled loads of laundry are done.

So I THINK I am successful in sopping up all the water, when my little one tells me that the guest bathroom (on the other side of a wall and past a hall closet) is also "full of water". And, she's right. ARGH! Not only that, the water had made it under the stairway into my master bedroom closet! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Squish, squish...the water ran over my toes as I sloshed into my closet barefoot. It's a sickening feeling. I said a prayer, got the yellow pages out, and landed on a colorful ad of a flood restoration company that is listed with the Better Business Bureau. Bueno. Alex and Damon and crew show up within the hour, and get to work. They reassure me that everything will be fine, but I am distraught.

Thank you to www.clip-art-for-free.blogspot.com for the awesome graphic!

To be continued...

More, More, More...-Andrea True

2011-06-04T12:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I really DON'T want more, but the docs are having me come back in for further imaging of "the girls". Apparently, they are dense and fibrous (yeah, baby,) and they want to do an ultra-sound exam...kinda like when a woman is pregnant. It's not an uncommon request for those having their first mammogram...the docs don't have any prior film to compare, so they really want to get a good idea of the "tit-uation".

I'm slightly apprehensive, but tomorrow is such a busy day, that I will most likely appreciate the time reclining on the exam table. Wonder if it's uncool to bring a "beverage"?!

I'm to avoid all perfume and lotions and deodorant prior to the exam. Great. Half naked and stinky!

UPDATE:

Had an early morning meeting at the kids' school, so caved and wore deodorant...for removal, baby-wipes did the trick! Went back to the radiology office...dragged a friend with me who ALSO got a mammogram done (they take walk-ins), and after some further squeezing and squishing, all the film needed has been acquired. There was no exam table on which to recline...just more standing by the x-ray machine. Rats. Oh well, all that is left (hopefully) is waiting for results early next week.

Will keep ya posted...Send me your "breast" wishes!

Milkshake...-Kelis

2011-06-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

In the interest of having something worthy to "blah-blah-blog" about, and hopefully prevent the onset of some life-threatening malady, I got a mammogram yesterday. It wasn't as bad as I thought it might be.

I have read some pretty funny descriptions of the actual breast exam that were e-mailed to me, that both made me laugh and cringe at the same time. The stories compared the exam to slamming your breast in the freezer door, lowering the garage door on your boobs, stretching your breasts into another room... big fun.

In reality, the exam took less than 15 minutes, and I feel like "the girls" fared well. I wanted to take some pictures to post, but it wasn't pretty. And you can bet I won't be hoppin' to the IHOP for pancakes for breakfast in the near future, either!

Here is the "Most Awesome Jack Black" demonstrating the machine, instead. What a trooper!

I will find out the results by tomorrow. Since this was my first mammogram ,(I know, I'm BAD), the technician said they may have to do some extra ultrasound exams to really get an idea of the "girls' status". I told her Facebook says they're "married".

I hope someone reads this and gets a mammogram, and that everything is fine. Take this as a "sign" to schedule one.

Only Time...-Enya

2011-05-28T18:47:00.000-07:00

Hello, All! It's only been, what, NINE MONTHS since I last posted?!!! I could have almost had a baby by now! I am SURE I have lost more than a few followers...even one of my best friends claims that it was some sort of "glitch" that caused my blog to "go missing" from her blogroll. A likely story! (just joking...)

So, here I sit, trying to come up with something witty and entertaining...I HAVE to get back in the swing of things, as BlogHer 2011 rapidly approaches, AND it's in my gorgeous hometown of SAN DIEGO this year!!! Who's coming?!

I am so sad that my BlogHer roomie, Happy Hour Sue, is going to forego attending this year. I still have a few months to try to get her to change her mind...promises of poolside libations and late nights out dancing, perhaps?!

The school year is wrapping up...less that 23 school days left. I have fulfilled most of my PTO obligations, and only have two weddings coming up soon to photograph. Have decided NOT to shoot family holiday photos this year...going to pass the clients along to another photographer friend. I really want to take a step back, and actually enjoy Christmas this year...not spend it sitting at my laptop photoshopping. I want to do my OWN custom greeting cards. I want to wrap MY OWN gifts with amazing ribbons and embellishments. I want to PARTY without worrying about a big shoot the next morning at sunrise! And so I will. I am going to make and wear a t-shirt that just says "NO" on it. Since I can't seem to get my mouth to say the word, I will just point to my shirt!

My oldest daughter is going to be 9 in a month (wah!!!), and I am not sure how much longer "Santa Clause" will be bringing gifts down the chimney, if you catch my drift. This is probably my last chance to share that Holiday magic with her. Although we tend to focus on "the REASON for the SEASON", I still let them run downstairs at 6 AM to find gifts from that jolly old elf. Gotta grab those memories. Time is FLYING by.

Well, kind of a lame re-intro to my blogging life, but I am sure that once I post a few more, (or have a few more "beverages"), I will think of something...until then, hug your kids, and absorb the beauty around you. You just never know.

**OMG!!! I just checked, and I actually GAINED two followers during my absence!!! Wow! Maybe there is something to this "Blog-cation"!

We Got The Beat...-The Go-Gos

2010-08-23T23:40:00.000-07:00

OK, MAJOR EXPLETIVE WARNING!!! (So what else is new?!)

Seriously, this is one of the funniest songs I have heard in a long time, and if I didn't know better, I'd swear that it was written by one of my exes... but then, no...none of them had any rhythm. (Did I ever mention my hot hubbie once won the "drum-off" in NYC?!)

**Note to exes: Yes, the FERARRI IS THAT HOT! I'm just sayin'. Right, Buffy?

Turn on your speakers, but make sure they are low if there are any kids or grandparents around!!!

Safety Dance...-Men Without Hats

2010-08-17T12:37:00.000-07:00

Coughing up Smurfs,
Nose is runny.
Need to post, but
Got no "funny".

Hubby sent this.
Made me cry.
Watch and "buckle up"
So you don't...get hurt really bad in a car accident or possibly worse.

** And you know I can spell, so don't blame me for the mis-spelling of "advertisement" in the video header. It is embedded, and I am not good enough at HTML to fix it. I tried, believe me!

Now, watch it again.

I Miss You...-Miley Cyrus

2010-08-12T23:44:00.000-07:00

Since I have yet to "edit" (read: photoshop) more BlogHer '10 photos, plus, it's "shoe week" at ROSS, I thought I would take a short break from posting about my trip to BlogHer '10 in NYC for a day.

Here's why:

My generous mother bought each of her five grandchildren "iTouches" for their birthdays. That adds up to about a cool grand, if you add in tax. Nice. I was beyond excited! Key word: was.

Though my two girls are currently in "the Apple zone", it has given me a LOT of leverage. One threat to take that little box away, and BAM! That room is CLEAN! But I miss them. Sort of.

Here's a poem I wrote:

Steve Jobs had the ultimate solution
For busy moms on the go
But now I seek retribution
How could I possibly know?

A tiny hand-held boxy pet
With a cute little earphone leash
Hours and dollars spent downloading games
Songs by Cyrus and Black Eyed Peas

This birthday gift from Grandma
All five grandkids received
The joyful screams and squeals of delight
Were not to be believed!

"If the kids are happy, then I am happy",
I told myself, but inside,
I could feel the clock's velocity increase,
and as they played, I cried.

The games are educational,
The songs are not "explicit",
Though I called, and waved, and danced about,
No response could I elicit.

So now I sit here, typing prose,
on my own addictive iPhone,
A mom who caved in to technology,
and now sits all alone.

I miss them both so very much,
It nearly makes me wince.
Grandma gave them "iTouches",
and I haven't heard from them since.

Anyone else in this boat?

Day By Day...-The Tubes

2010-08-11T21:44:00.000-07:00

I am still "damaged" from BlogHer '10. I felt somewhat compelled to "top" BlogHer '09 last year in Chicago, and wasn't sure it could even be done, but I had to try.

I left my house for NYC the first day via a VERY LATE CAB at 4:45. That's AM, folks. I was lucky enough to be sent to the front of both the luggage/check in line (due to my tardiness, and Delta's desire for on-time departures), and also the security line. There is a God. I even had enough time to grab a Venti at Starby's on the way to the gate! Can I get an "AMEN"?

So, I'm in line to board the non-stop to JFK, and THIS GUY is in front of me. Dude, there really should be a "non-terrorist" dress code...am I right?! I'm a little "scerred".

Later, on board, feeling "floaty" from my bucket of Vanilla Chai Latte, I proceed to the restroom. (Do people really "get it on" in here? SO tiny!) Anyway, in line, I am asked by this little old lady where I am going. Aside from the obvious "New York" reply, eager to flow from my sarcastic, bloated, blogger self, I answer, "A Bloggers' convention". "Loggers' convention?" she inquires. Yeah. My husband sent me off for four days all the way across the country to hang out with hot muscle-bound men in plaid shirts who cut down trees. The restroom suddenly available, I say, "Yep!" and quickly enter the box with the vacuum potty.

Eager to imbibe some sort of potato based libation, but loyal enough to wait for my roomate's arrival, I enter the impressive Hilton Mid-Town. The room is clean and modern, and has the necessary mini-bar. I am psyched!

Once my hysterically funny roomie, Happy Hour Sue of www.HappyMealsandHappyHour.blogspot.com arrives, (via Pedi-cab driven by a hot guy from some third world country), it's "game on".

We check in, and hit the first "partay" we can find! Though it was necessary to RSVP for these parties, we had made a few friends with the powers that be, and were able to make our way into what looked like a jumpin' soiree'. We make our way to the plentiful buffet of tacos, carnitas, taquitos, guacamole, etc. Upon further inspection, it appears we are two of the three blondes in the room. It's the party for Latina bloggers! "Hola!!!!!, como esta?!" Thank God I grew up in Miami, and have taken Zumba lessons for the past 6 months...we rocked the casa! What a blast! I actually learned a lot about the Latina blogging community, and was really impressed! I named our waiter "Jimmy Jam". What a doll! Great music, great people, and great food, too! Muchas gracias, mamacita bloggeritas!

"Senor Jimmy Jam, una otra bebida, por favor?"

"Do you belong here, Barbie?"

After "crashing" that party, we "crashed" in our room, eager to get rested for the days ahead. Like that helped. Oy.

Stay tuned...it only gets better/worse.

Barely Breathing...-Duncan Sheik

2010-08-09T15:11:00.000-07:00

I will be posting about my recent trip to BlogHer '10 in NYC.

Soon, I promise.

And if you have any questions about the photos, don't ask me. However, I heard I had a wonderful time!

I Want My MTV...-Dire Straits

2010-07-30T08:25:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the days when you just HAD TO HAVE your MTV? Heck, I remember how excited we all were when we got our first microwave oven circa 197?. I used to love how it "binged" when the 5-minute baked potato was done! I remember getting the VCR! The cassette players! The TV with remote control! Anyway, my hottie hubby hooked me up with this gem...it's soooo funny!

He often makes fun of how I love my iPhone, even though reception in our area is sketchy, at best. My friends marvel at my assortment of "apps"(remember when that used to mean "appetizers"?!?) and blinged cases. I must say, the device keeps me entertained in the grocery line, and at the endless "lessons" my girls take.

Now, the iPhone 4G is out. I wonder how long I can wait?! I still have a year to go on my 3GS plan. Rats!

This video pretty much sums it all up. Enjoy!

Expletive warning!!

A Day In The Life...-The Beatles

2010-07-26T10:14:00.000-07:00

Expletive warning...this video is HYSTERICAL! Sent to me from my friend Sabrina.

But wait, there's more!!!

I'm Coming Out...-Diana Ross

2010-07-19T14:41:00.000-07:00

Having a particularly amorous husband has it's disadvantages. Hmmm, where do I begin?

I have "mommy brain". I tend to forget things, like dates, specifically the date of my last period. So, when my "cycle sister" friend and I started comparing notes on how our "bitch level" had recently increased, I assumed we were both PMS-ing. It's the hormones. (By the way, I've heard that PMS stands for Putting up with Men's Sh*t. I digress. And my man NEVER gives me any of that...maybe a little cr*p here and there...)

Anyway, days pass, and "Gladys" (the code-word that all the women in my family have used for years to describe the onset of our periods) did not visit. My "cycle sister" assured me it would be "any day now". I even downloaded the Iphone App called P Tracker, where you can chart all your "Gladys" stuff! It's kind of cool. You can enter all your cravings, attitude changes, skin conditions, when you "got busy", when you start and stop your "flow", etc. So I keep waiting (while in major bee-otch crying-at-the-drop-of-a-hat-mode) for the cramps to start. And I wait. And I wait. And I wait some more.

So by now, I am freaking out. Those dang hormones, again. What am I going to tell my husband, after assuring him that it was "safe" those times? I was sure I was. Wasn't I?! I guess three kids wouldn't be that bad...our girls ROCK, and maybe we will have a boy this time, even though a third girl would be fine, too. I start picking out names.

That does it. My cycle sis gets hers. I wait three more days, each day more freaked than the last, and finally give in. I go to Target, buy the double pack of the EPT kit that says it will let you know if you are preggers 6 whole days BEFORE you even miss your period (wow!). I drive home, rip open the box (preventing me from returning it if unused), and BAM!

Hello, Gladys. Nice of you to show up! You just cost me $12, Bee-otch!

Now I'm a little sad. I guess it's the hormones.

It's The Final Countdown...-Europe

2010-07-18T21:27:00.000-07:00

The clock is ticking. Not my biological clock...that broke in the recent earthquake. The countdown to BlogHer '10 in NYC has begun! Yeah, baby!

Today, after calling four airlines out of the 80 that my husband has frequent flyer miles with, and after four freak-outs that none of them had any "frequent flyer" seats left, I finally booked my flight on Delta! By the way, I find it completely unfair that even though some planes had MANY seats available, that only those passengers willing to fork over the big bucks can get them. What's the point of saving up all those miles if you can't use them when you want?! I'm just sayin'. Lovin' Delta, right now.

So, feeling lucky, I then proceed to call the sold-out NYC Hilton to see about a room up-grade. Yes, I know the BlogHer site says they are sold out, but guess what I found out? They are only SOLD OUT of the rooms available to the BlogHer attendees. WTH?! The entire convention is being held in their hotel! You would think they would want all of the cool (drunk)mommy bloggers in their hotel (party palace) to be happy, wouldn't you?! I told her how my hottie hubby is a member of their frequent guest program, blah, blah, blah, etc., etc.. The nice reservation desk lady, Mary, assures me that she has entered my request for an upgrade in their computer. We shall see.

I have begun packing for my trip. I have my special pile in the corner of my closet. I've got my dry-erase board that we put on our hotel room door so other cool (drunk) mommy bloggers can leave us strange messages, my blinged flask that my friend Melissa gave me for my birthday, my spanx (tan and black), my t-shirts with my blog logo on it, and the rest of the business cards left over from LAST year's BlogHer. I don't know what "business" this is, and I am still working on finding a way to write it all off my taxes, but it sure is fun, and is something I look forward to all year. We always give out our cards and then can never remember who we gave them to, or whose it seems we have acquired. Luckily, many have the bloggers' photos on them, so that helps a bit.

In any case, I am beyond excited to see my roomie, Happy Hour Sue, in person again...it's been a year...far too long! Look out Big Apple, we're gonna rock you to the CORE!

Is That All There Is?...Peggy Lee

2010-07-08T11:15:00.000-07:00

I have been taking part in a diet a friend told me about called the GM diet. It's on-line, so you can Google it. It was supposedly created years ago for the employees and families of General Motors, in order to inspire them to lose weight. General Motors denies all association with the diet, claiming that the idea that they had anything to do with the meal plan is "urban myth". Here is what is NOT an urban myth...I dropped 9 lbs. my first week!

The first three days are kind of challenging. The lack of selection (especially on day one) will have you asking "Is that all there is?"

Firstly, you have to drink a lot of water. A LOT!!!

Day 1 is all fruit.
Day 2 is all veggies.
Day 3 is just fruit and veggies.
Day 4 is "up to 8" bananas and 3 glasses of milk.
Day 5 is 10 oz. of beef and 6 tomatoes. Add another quart of water today!
Day 6 is beef and vegetables.
Day 7 is brown rice, veggies, and fruit juice.

By day 7, you are not even hungry anymore. All week, you can augment your meals with the cabbage soup if you get really hungry. I made it, and it's delicious, but I never even ate any. This is a totally do-able diet, people!

I am now doing it again, since I took three days off (it was the July 4th weekend, my daughter's birthday, and our county fair). I gorged on Pizza, burgers, cupcakes, cake, brownies, Vodka, and more Vodka). At the fair, I was good...bought the funnel cake topped with powdered sugar, and didn't eat one bite! Yeah! Pure torture! Anyway, I gained back three pounds. Three DELICIOUS pounds.

So, now, I am back on the GM plan, and have several of my neighbors doing it along with me! They are all "sold" on it, too! Two to three pounds lost the first day alone! I continue to exercise as I follow the diet, so I am feeling great. I can actually SEE the results, as well! Finally back in my 29s!

Anyway, this is all I could think of to blog about today...and I hope it helps someone out there in the blogosphere! Let me know if you try it, and your results, will ya?!

Second Time Around...-Shalamar

2010-06-01T17:16:00.000-07:00

I know...Lady Gaga has a song by the same title, but hey, Shalamar's is the tune that popped into my head, so they get the title. What an honor, huh?!

I am now down to the last month and a half of my weight loss quest, and a month and a half away from potentially winning six figures from the hubster for losing it. I have decided that I need to "step it up", and mix it up. At the end of my last round of P90X, it was getting a little bit easier. This was not good. Cross-training and "muscle confusion" will get the most results.

I started to climb the "fire hill". This is really a steep road that runs straight up a mountain in my 'hood which gives fire trucks access to the hillside homes in the event of a fire. Living in the tinderbox known as Southern California, this road came in VERY HANDY a few years back, when the neighborhood was taken over by flames. The firemen managed to save every home! God bless 'em!

In any case, if I walk up and down this fire road twice, I can burn 300 calories, according to my Polar watch. My friend "Animal-issa" can acrtually RUN the dang thing! She is unreal. She is the one who also got me to do the P90X series! I will forever be in her debt!

Also, last weekend I went on a 10-mile hike through the hills with 11 other residents. The watch had me burning 958 calories in three hours. Not too shabby. Of course, I immediately drove to Starbucks to celebrate with a 252 calorie Vanilla Chai Latte. Self-sabotage. Again. Ugh! This weekend, it's a 13-miler! I can't wait!

I need to eat tuna, chicken, egg-whites, cucumbers, drink plenty of water, cut out carbs (mostly), delete the sugar (definitely), and push myself physically if I am going to win this money. If I don't make it, I think I will regret it for the rest of my life. Plus, it'll be fun spending it in NYC at BlogHer!

Anybody have any great tips that worked for them?!

Jump...-Flo Rida

2010-05-01T19:26:00.000-07:00

Beware, parents, of hiring a "character actor" for your child's birthday party. You may be, like me, one of the moms who answers the door to "HOT DORA". She exists. I kid you not.

It was 2005. All my daughter wanted for her third birthday party was for Dora to attend. Tico, Boots, and Benny the Bull were also invited. I wanted her to be happy, so I embarked on making it the best "Dora" themed party I could.

I had a Dora bouncie-house, a Dora cake, Dora plates, Dora napkins, Dora tablecloths, Dora balloons, you name it. If it had Dora on it, we had it. My aunt Sally who sews made my little birthday princess a red Dora print dress, with a matching halter top for me. ( I thought I would be rockin' the "girls" at my kiddie party. Turns out, not so much.)

Halfway into the festivities, the "Dora-bell" rings. I open it, to find a bewigged twenty-five year old Dora with a twenty five inch waist and twenty five pound breasts. She wore a tiny pink T-shirt, with the tiny orange shorts, with the little white keds, and the purple backpack to top it all off. I am pretty sure they were the size that "TV cartoon Dora" would wear, were she a REAL
5-year-old.

Man, were all the dads who were DRAGGED to the party by their wives HAPPY!!!
(Swiper, NO SWIPING!...awww, MAN!)

As "Hot Dora" led the kids all around the yard in search of candy treasure, she would pause intermittently to have the kids act like different animals. When they got to the "bunny" part, it was all I could do not to scream at the top of my lungs, "STOP JUMPING!!!!" ( I was worried she might get a black eye and ruin my daughter's party!)

You would think I would learn. The kids had so much fun, and my husband was more than happy to hand over the $200.00 fee (one for each breast?!). We ended up hiring the same company for my daughter's 4th birthday, which had a "Little Mermaid" theme.

You guessed it. "Hot Ariel". Damn.

Supersonic...-J.J.Fad

2010-04-23T18:59:00.000-07:00

Remarkably, when researching the artist who recorded this song, I discovered it's amazing similarity to one of my all time fave tunes, "Fergalicious". Hmmm...check it out and let me know if I'm right.

Anyway, the theme for this post is: I'm in love! (and it doesn't even need batteries!!)

The other day, my hottie hubby (also the owner of an ad agency) asked if I had ever heard of something called a Clarisonic. I had not. He explained that it was a sonic skin care device, and that I should go get one and let him know my thoughts.

Not on the 'inexpensive" side, this $225.oo rechargeable wonder is worth every cent! I had to wait 24 hours for the initial battery charging, but once I was able to use it, I was THRILLED! I thought it was a spinning brush, but like it's predecessor from the same company (the Sonicare toothbrush), it sonically cleans skin with tiny vibrations! It's like I got this awesome facial massage while getting all the ickies out of my pores! Turns out chickies were actually exfoliating with the toothbrush! Too funny!

All you do is guide the Clarisonic brush across your skin! It has an audible timer to let you know when to re-locate...one minute total with 20 seconds on the forehead, twenty on the chin, and 10 seconds per cheek. Sweet!

It also came with a mondo body brush attachment, and is waterproof for use in the shower! Yeah, baby! Good clean fun! You can reset the timer for continual use. Can I get an AMEN?!
I am imagining all kinds of attachments.

They say it's a great exfoliating prep prior to putting on tanning cream, too!

As part of his "research", I got to get all my close friends together to test it out and tell their thoughts, too! They are all buying them now. I wish I could get a commission! Maybe I should try to buy stock!

Then, we tried this new $245.00 eye machine thing (made by the same company), called the Opal. It "infuses" this miracle sea-serum into the skin under the eye to reduce the look of the road map that lives there. I am not joking here, people. It seems like a lot of dough to spend, but not when you add up the cost of ONE facial, plus tip, plus the time and gasoline to get there and back, etc.

The Opal box has unretouched photos of what they claimed would happen after just one use. I doubted them. Highly. Then I tried it for myself. Voila. I made my friends watch the changes. Amazing stuff. When the little vibrations got near my nose, it almost seemed to open up my sinuses, too! They should research that. They say it's gentle enough to use twice a day, which is perfect!

One minute with the Clarisonic, and one with the Opal. Twice a day...that's four minutes of "ME" time! I'll take it! A few of my friends already had Clarisonics, (some for several years) and really like them. If any of you out there in the Blogosphere have any comments or ideas, please share!

Halfway Gone...-Lifehouse

2010-04-04T13:43:00.000-07:00

Well, that I am mentally "halfway gone" is no big revelation...we've known THAT for years. What I refer to on this Happy Easter 2010 Day, is that I am physically HALF WAY to getting a lot of money. A LOT.

Here's the deal. Somehow, whether by way of the Kahlua and Cream, or the Krispy Kreme drive-through, I succeeded in gaining a few pounds. The two pregnancies and the passage of time notwhithstanding, I was convinced that the Earth's magnetic pull had mysteriously increased directly under my scale. I actually tried weighing myself during a full moon to see if the moon's gravitational pull would somehow counter-balance it. No dice. It was worth a try.

Anyway, my husband, seeking to give me some motivation, decided that if I could "get down" to my former weight before the kids, that he would give me money. A LOT of money. We're talking six figures here, people. Let's just say that I am currently motivated.

At the suggestion of one of my dearest (and hottest) friends, Melissa, I decided to embark on a three-month journey through exercise and diet hell, otherwise known as "P90X". This 13-disc DVD series puts a body through more twists and turns than San Fran's Lombardi street. Between the weight lifting, cardio, stretching, Yoga, Kenpo, and our added weight watcher's diet, I am down 23 pounds.

I still have more to go, (I am actually more than halfway), but I am excited. Melissa has lost weight too, and gave me a lot of her old clothes (and let me tell you...she has GREAT taste!). Because of her generosity, I am rockin' numerous pairs of designer jeans that pretty much cost as much as a car payment! I am not sure I want to even lose any more, because then the jeans will be too big!! Guess I can buy more...

It's really awesome to see people I haven't seen in a few months, and have them ask what I am doing to lose the weight...it's so nice to have their support and hear their compliments. It makes passing up that Girl Scout Thin Mint (BOX!) worth it. Thank you, friends!!!

The 90 days of committment is over in a week and a half, and since it has worked so well, I am going to just start over with it. Between the DVDs and the Zumba dance class at our club, I feel confident that the Louis Vuitton briefcase loaded with cash will be part of my future. I am going to have a big party where I will step on the scale, then accept my prize wearing a bikini made of money. Well, that's my vision, anyway.

Let's just WEIGHT and see...

Taxman...-The Beatles

2010-03-30T20:51:00.000-07:00

The weight of the financial world...well, at least MY financial world, has been lifted! The taxes are DONE!!!! Yahoooo! All I need to do is Fed Ex all my totals to our nice bean counter, Bill, and pray for the best.

Usually I get behind in this endeavor, and we have to file for an extension. Not this year!

I really don't expect to see a refund from our state of California. It's not that we aren't owed one, it's that our state is "broke", and is mailing out I.O.U.'s to taxpayers instead of refund checks. Gimme a break! I wonder if they send us an I.O.U., if we can then send it BACK to the state as partial payment for our exhorbitant property taxes. Think that would work?! I can be pretty sure I'd eventually be blogging from a jail cell.

In any case, the taxes are DONE!!!

Each year, I spend several consecutive days in March gathering, sorting, and adding up receipts. I find them in my purse, shoeboxes, drawers, the glove compartment of the cars, some (shockingly) are actually in their appropriate files. I even found some in my scrapbooking kit! What were they doing there?! Was I planning on pasting them in a scrapbook with little stickers and ribbon and glitter glue all around them?! Doubtful.

My husband says my hobby is "Collecting Receipts". Each year, I SWEAR that I will file them as I acquire them, which is daily. I never do. Every single year, I scramble around trying to get all possible deductions in order at the last minute...cursing and ignoring my offspring in order to get all my "ish" together. It often leads to the consumption of large volumes of Kahlua.

This year, I am sending the paperwork in on time (no extension needed) and am so happy, I think I will celebrate! Kahlua anyone?!

What If God Was One Of Us...-Joan Osborne

2010-03-07T14:58:00.000-08:00

Today is Sunday. The day of rest. For me, not so much. Woke up early in time to feed the family breakfast, and get my hottie hubby to the airport. He is headed to ALASKA (25 degrees right now...that will freeze your bipppies off!) for a meeting. I am a little jealous, in that I absolutely LOVE to travel, and I fear that he will get to see the Aurora Borealis live and in person. Seeing the Northern Lights is on my "bucket list" of things I want to do or see before I die. With my luck, the most spectacular Northern Lights display in history will happen in the next two nights. He even saw that crazy meteor the other night that was seen across the nation! I was home stirring pudding, his favorite dessert. Rats.

Anyway, I decide that I will take the girls to church after we drop daddy off. I get them all dolled up in these adorable skirts that my aunt sewed for them (see above photo), and we are set! My good friend plans to meet us at church. After we get all our kids into the appropriate rooms for their Sunday school, we find a seat in the crowded chapel. Although our church is considered Christian, Communion is offered. As the plate of "HOST" crackers are passed down our row, my friend, who has some dietary restrictions, expresses her concern over the content of the cracker bits. They pretty much look like matzo crumbs to me. I just say, "Hmmm...we could ask the usher, 'Hey, is the 'body of Christ' gluten free?' " We decide against this plan, and hope that since the pieces are so small, that nothing bad will happen. With a little prayer, and a little cup of Grape juice, we partake.

I was glad to have my friend there with me. The service was powerful and satisfying, and the songs were uplifting. I love that they put the song lyrics up on these GIANT monitors at the front of the chapel. At least the tone-deaf octogenarian behind me got all the words right, even if they were sung in the wrong key. "Yo, dawg, it was just a'ight...a little pitchy for me, dawg." (I am channeling Randy Jackson, here). I am pretty sure God doesn't care if you sing in tune or not, so I am going to try not to judge.

Daddy out of town = Sushi for dinner. The girls are so excited, and I will consider it a treat for getting some taxes in order...UGH! April 15th is the due date, right? Must check on that with my bean-counter, Bill. He's nice.

So, hope you all have a nice Sunday, and a great week ahead!

Days Go By...-Dirty Vegas

2010-03-02T21:30:00.000-08:00

March 2nd. My 13th wedding anniversary. Who knew?!?

Apparently, not me. I totally forgot. Thank you to my dear friend John who texted me "Happy Anniversary" at noon, or I would have let the day pass by as any other crazy Tuesday.

Every Tuesday, I wake up, feed and dress the kids, take them to school, volunteer in the kindergartener's class 'til 10, then whip over to the church for women's bible study (WHAT?!!), grab a salad with some of the other thumpers, get back to the school to get a good parking spot for pick-up, then blast back home by 3 for piano lessons and my P90x workout with my neighbor, Melissa. This Tuesday, however, I had to add: Text husband "Happy 13!" Pretty sure he had forgotten, as well.

Who knew?!?

It seems like two years have passed, maybe three. Although my daughters are 7 and 5, time seems to have whizzed by.

That I have stayed married to my husband for so long boggles my mind. I used to be "Miss Two-Weeks", and am now on my way to two decades. Wow. Miracles do happen.

Who knew?!?

Time To Say Goodbye (Con Te Partiro)...-Andrea Bocelli

2010-02-22T22:18:00.000-08:00

Today was the day. It had to be done. I had to (gulp) throw away (sniff) my very favorite sneakers of all time (full on bawl). Yes, my red clog-style Sketchers sneakers had seen better days (about four years ago, is my best guess). It was time to send them to the great "Foot Locker" in the sky!

I didn't even pay for them. No, I didn't steal them, though they are so awesome I can imagine that some people just might do that in order to secure a pair of these supreme sapatos! My friend Julie (who just happens to be Playmate of the Year 1995, and pointed to small appliances with me on The Price Is Right night-time version) kindly gave them to me. We happen to wear the same size shoe, so she generously hands over several pairs of sneakers each year. As a playmate, she gets a lot (and I mean A LOT!) of free stuff. I call her "Julie I get it for free". She's awesome. But I digress.

The sneakers in question are a half-size too big, but being clog style, that is perfect! They are my "go-to" shoe when I need something that I can put on in two seconds, is super cute (in my mind), is totally comfortable, and matches absolutely EVERYTHING! Red goes with everything, right?!! They just have soul. Or "sole".

They were too worn out and smelly to even donate. Maybe I should have saved them for "yard shoes"!?! No. Be strong, I tell myself. They look like the way you felt after last week's Bunko. Ugh! That's another post.

I love these sneakers. They have accompanied me on family trips, trips to the grocery store, tripping over things, you name it. I have even worn them on some of my "dreadmill" treks!

Each time they would come apart, out would come the shoe glue, and I would do my best to repair them. And, even though I have been ridiculed for wearing these bright red sneakers too often, for too long, with too many outfits that do not go with red, clog-style sneakers, I am intent on finding out if there is another pair in existence so I can replace them. Anybody out there have any connections at Sketchers?!

Goodbye, my friends...you will be missed.

Fade Into You...-Mazzy Star

2010-02-21T22:44:00.000-08:00

It bothers me when my black clothes fade into varying shades of grey (or if you prefer this spelling, GRAY). This also applies to red and other brightly colored garments. I try to NOT put them in the dryer, in hopes that they will stay dark or bright and new looking for as long as possible.

Here is what my formal dining room looks like at my house on laundry day. This happened to be right after Valentine's Day, which explains my daughter's little red dresses with pink hearts all over them.

I know, you have questions.

1) Yes, I do my own laundry. I do all my own housework. (Can you imagine coming home and your housekeeper had this hot mess rockin' in your house?! )

2) You can take the girl out of the trailer park (actually it was next door), but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl. (No offense intended toward those who reside in trailers.)

My husband just shakes his head. Pretty sure he blames the Kahlua.

American Pie...-Don McLean

2010-02-07T20:31:00.000-08:00

My hottie hubby loves pie. No jokes here, please. OK, if you must.

Seriously. He loves my chocolate pudding pie with the graham cracker crust, and cherry pie, and pumpkin pie...all kinds. But, his favorite pie of all time, is coconut custard pie. Of all time.

So, I, on a day when I felt I was perhaps lagging in the "Good Wife" department, went on a quest to secure some Jello brand coconut pudding pie mix. I can't cook, but making Jello pudding isn't really cooking...it's more like "heating". This would be a no-brainer. I've made this once before, and he LOVED it.

As luck would have it, no less than 3 grocery stores were out of stock on the aforementioned item. THREE!!! And I visited them with my two daughters in tow, neither of which are a fan of coconut custard pie. They just wanted to be home watching Dora.

At the third store, I get this great idea to "google" the recipe for coconut custard pie on my I-phone. I go into the store, buy all the ingredients necessary, and speed home. I must get this pie cooked and cooling so that my hubby can have it for dessert. I mix, I stir, I crack the eggs, I yell at my kids not to even talk to me (because cooking makes me nervous and if I mess this up, the whole house could burn down!). I get the mixture into the pre-made pie shell, and into the oven. I watch it like a hawk so that it doesn't burn, texting my friends so I don't die of boredom. The timer rings. The pie actually looks like the photo on the Iphone! Yeah! I did it!

I call my hottie hubby, to tell him how his loving wife (me) has SLAVED over the stove for HOURS (15 minutes, tops) cooking (?) him a coconut custard pie (HIS FAVORITE) from SCRATCH!!!! I tell him he'd better love it, and no matter what, he'd better eat it! NO MATTER WHAT!

So, there I was, beaming as he walked in the door from a hard day's work, and I show him the beautiful pie, and the extra bowl of filling that wouldn't fit into the pie shell. He can have the pudding part after the pie is all gone! I am so proud of myself. Then, after dinner, I cut him a generous piece. I think, "Well, let me just taste a bit of it to make sure it's nice and sweet and creamy". So I do. It was like eating congealed chalk.

ARGH!!!! I was distraught! All that driving store to store with my disgruntled offspring and their leapsters with dying batteries! All that COOKING!!! I HATE COOKING!!! I AM NEVER COOKING AGAIN!

"It's not that bad", he tells me. LYING, of course. But, in the spirit of being a "GOOD HUSBAND", he proceeds over the next few days to eat the entire pie. I beg him repeatedly to throw it out, but he refuses.

Finally, the day comes when the last vestige of crust remains. I don't even ask him, I just tell him that I am throwing it away. No argument. Shocker!

Then, I see the bowl of the leftover filling in the back of the fridge. I go to toss that out, and I Hear "Whoa, whoa!". Increduously, I look up at him and ask,"You want this?!"

He says "Maybe we should throw it over the fence. You know, for the animals or something?" (we live on a golf course where there are lots of critters roaming around).

All I can think of is "Yeah, 'cause this is found in nature! I am sure the birds and rabbits and coyotes would really be diggin' on this!"

Seriously?!

Ultimately, I get points for "trying", and my hubby gets points for ingesting what could possibly have been the worst tasting coconut cream pie ever.

I have since found the Jello coconut pudding and pie mix on E-bay. No lie. It should be here by Friday.

Viva Las Vegas...-Elvis

2009-12-04T20:11:00.000-08:00

My hottie hubby decided to take me along to Vegas with him on a business trip. I was over the moon! We also planned on taking the girls with us, until my friend whom I shall call Saint Patti offered to keep them for the weekend! God Bless You, Patti...

Which is a semi-nice segue into the reason for this post. This is how things went down.

Our flight to Sin City was delayed for over an hour due to snow in Houston. SNOW! It closed the Houston airport! So much for global warming, Mr. Gore! Tom, with his amazing ability to recognize famous people, spotted Grizzly Adams (actor Dan Haggerty) in the taxi line! I had to yell "GRIZZLY!" out of our taxi window as we passed by him, still waiting far back in the line. As we drove away, I saw a big smile on his face. That was way cool!

Anyway, once we finally got here, we tried to get show tix to one of our favorite comedians, Ron White. This man is HYSTERICALLY funny! No dice. Sold out. Both of the nights we are here. Pisser.

So we went to our hotel, Planet Hollywood, where there was a HUGE poster for a production called "Peepshow", featuring Holly Madison, the rhythmically challenged playmate from "Dancing With The Stars" and "The Girls Next Door". Now get this, and I kid you not. Holly Madison (is that even her real name?) is dressed (and I use the term VERY loosely here) in a blue "little Bo Peep" lingerie get-up, complete with shepherd staff, and on her neck, a huge diamond encrusted cross. Stripping for Jesus! Pole dancing for the Lord! Can I get an "AMEN"?!

What's the deal with that? I guess God loves all His children, clothed or not, but I find the blatant display of devotion to Jesus contradictory to writhing suggestively on a stage in front of a zillion half-drunk heathens!

So I just bought two tickets for Tom and I.

I will let you know how it goes.

After Midnight...-Eric Clapton

2009-11-20T21:42:00.000-08:00

I will admit that I am one of the freaky moms addicted to the "Twilight" series of books and movies, and more specifically, "Edward Cullen/Robert Pattinson". Yeah, he could be my son. What's your point?

I blame Happy Hour Sue for this (among other things!), as she introduced me to the wonderful world of "RPattz". I am forever in your debt, Sue. If you, too, happen to be a fan of Twilight, check out her killer blog, InappropriateTwilightObsession.blogspot.com. You can owe me.

I have posters. I own a "Team Edward" t-shirt. I bought two copies of the Vanity Fair magazine with Robert Pattinson on the cover... just in case "something happens" to the first one ... the one I keep in my nightstand. He is the sometime wallpaper on my Iphone. I often will pause my DVD player on a specific image of aforementioned lead vampire heartthrob "Edward" for inspiration while I walk on my "dreadmill". I've been "bitten", big time.

For months, I have had in my posession, tickets to see the very first local midnight showing of Twilight: New Moon, the latest installment in the cinematic versions of the stories. Paranoia has crept in on many occasions wherein I thought I might have misplaced these treasured tickets, only to discover them in " an even better special place" in the oversized feed-bag I call my purse. Whew! Hopefully I burned a few calories while freaking out!

I persuaded my neighbor, Ronda, to let me take her thirteen-year old daughter with me to the midnight showing, so that I wouldn't look like a complete idiot sitting on line for hours in the cold all alone. Having permission to attend with me, her daughter promptly invited another thirteen year old friend. I am sure that this was to avoid looking like a complete idiot (the only cute thirteen year old girl with an "Edward crazed Twi-mom" in tow).

At around 8 P.M., we all bundled up since the weather was FREEZING. (The temperature had dropped below San Diego's normal 72 degrees). We packed magazines, food, I got my bucket of Starbucks, we had blankets, hats, coats (though I was loathe to cover my prized "Team Edward" shirt), more sweatshirts, Ipods with battery-powered speakers, and folding beach chairs. We were like "Twi-scouts". Thoroughly prepared! This was the night we had waited for!

Car packed, sitter prepped, we loaded into the car for our theatrical adventure. My 13 year-old friend said from the back seat, "I'm so excited, I'm shaking!" I told her I was so excited too, and proceeded to yell, "Let's go!" And I did! And then I backed out of my garage right into the sitter's BMW. CRAP!!!!!!!

"Team Edward" T-shirt: $30.

Tickets to premier showing of New Moon: $15.

Repairing the big ass dent in my Jag: $1500.

Sitting on a freezing concrete sidewalk for four hours with hundreds of mostly teenaged girls listening to Boom-Boom-Pow and texting everyone they know, followed by the showing of "New Moon": Priceless.

Dirty Deeds (Done Dirt Cheap)...-ACDC

2009-11-02T22:06:00.000-08:00

I have spent the last several hours chasing dust bunnies with the vaccuum, cycling laundry through the almost dead washer and dryer, polishing the granite kitchen countertops, dusting the wooden furnishings, Windexing the mirrors and framed photographs, sorting through all sorts of school paperwork and crafts that have accumulated since the start of the school year, and organized four closets. Know why? Because my cleaning lady is coming tomorrow.

That's right. My husband, after my repeated statement that I am "losing it" with the house, and my volunteering responsibilities and all the holiday photography orders, said that I should get a cleaning lady. So I did just that. But then, I felt compelled to just "straighten up a little". I would just DIE if she thought we were pigs! Must make a good first impression! Did I remember to flip the mattresses?! Clean out the ice tray in the freezer?

Her name is Gregoria, and she is as lovely as her name implies. She is always smiling, and the source of my renewed interest in Spanish. That reminds me...I MUST look up the correct translation of "DO NOT PUT THIS WOOL ITEM IN THE DRYER!" My neighbor's housekeeper put all her kids' EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE wool Christmas garb imported from some exotic country like Argentina in the dryer. It now fits Barbies. Very teeny tiny Barbies. Thank the Lord we had already taken their holiday photos!

I must also learn how to say, "Do not spray PLEDGE on the Big Screen, or use Brillo pads on the stainless steel appliances, especially AGAINST the GRAIN!". These things have actually happened to my friends.

Anyway, the point is that now I am aching from all the work, my house looks really clean, and I will have to try to find things for Gregoria to do tomorrow. I wonder if she knows how to give a massage?!

You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)...-Dead or Alive

2009-10-15T20:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, so after endless complaints from my three faithful readers, I am POSTING on my BLOG after more than a MONTH!!! I have, thankfully, been overwhelmingly busy with my photography, and with the Holiday orders coming in, a respite seems unlikely before 2010. I will try my best to post more often. I jot down ideas on my Iphone all the time, but just can't seem to get the time to sit and type them out. I hope I don't ever get in a car accident, and the cops find all my bizarre musings on my phone...my family would be mortified! At least it's all spelled properly.

So, in the interest of POSTING on my BLOG, I was sent this AMAZING clip by my hottie friend, Angela, and feel compelled to share it. As most of you, my three faithful readers, are aware, I have a "vertical exercise device" (commonly referred to as a "stripper pole") installed in my garage. Yes, the garage with the mirrored wall and disco ball. That one. The same garage where I park the Jag my hot hubby gave me for Valentine's Day (see former post), and where his precious Harley is parked mere inches away from the reach of my 6" black patent leather "CFM heels". If you don't know what those initials stand for, do NOT go ask your mamma! In fact, you probably shouldn't even be reading this post, nor possibly my entire blog. Go say 10 "Hail Mary's" right now!

Said pole can be put in a stagnant state, which I call "lock down", or the twist of a nut (pun intended), will enable it to rotate. I think having it in "rotational mode" is cheating. A REAL "dancer" should be able to "work it" in the stagnant position. After careful observation, I feel that the chicks in this video do, indeed, have their pole locked down.

They are amazing at what they do, and I am in awe of their physical abilities. Imagine holding your entire body weight off the floor with one hand! Now try to spin around and defy gravity and smile and flip upside-down! They deserve every $20.00 bill they get, in my book!

I am able to do just ONE of these amazing moves, and I am not going to tell you which one, but it's not that "human pretzel in a Cuisinart during a hurricane" move. In case you were wondering.

Now that I have POSTED on my BLOG, I think I will go for a spin!

Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me...-Elton John

2009-09-01T19:47:00.000-07:00

I had a date the other night. With a genius hot guy named Tom. OK, so he happens to be my husband, but that is beside the point.

I am not sure if it's my workout regimen, or my current addiction to "all things TWILIGHT", but for some reason, my hormones are "partying like it's 1999". The other day I was actually walking on my treadmill, playing Kings of Leon's "Sex on Fire"on my I-pod, while watching a FROZEN FRAME of the "Twilight" vampire Edward Cullen on the DVD player. Pretty sure I need therapy.

I told Tom I am having "issues". I told him I am seriously considering printing up and wearing T-shirts with "I NEED ATTENTION" silk-screened across my chest. Wouldn't that go over well at the grocery store? I actually got excited the other day when the bag boy at Ralph's asked me if I wanted paper or plastic. All kinds of thoughts (most of them illegal in the 48 contiguous states) went through my mind. WTF is going on here?!!!

Maybe it's because I am reaching the age where my eggs are "old", and it's nature's last ditch effort to get me pregnant. SO not happenin', (unless it's Baby Jesus #2)! Maybe the dermotologist spiked my Botox! Yeah, that might be it!

Anyway, when my daughter's gymnastics class offered a "Parent's Night Out", where we could drop off our kids for 3 hours of pizza, games, crafts and tumbling, I cartwheeled at the chance! I told the girls to "beg Daddy" to let them go to the event, and they obediently (and convincingly!) did so.

Tom e-mailed me that day from work, asking if I wanted to see a movie, or go to dinner, or watch the sun set from the cliffs. (WHO is e-mailing me this, and what have you done with my husband?!!!) I was bouncing off the walls all day with excitement!

I selected this great bistro overlooking the Pacific. We ate a very nice meal while watching the sun set. The three of us had a wonderful time...me, Tom, and his I-Phone. (his business dealings do not take breaks. E.V.E.R.!) Seriously, I had a great time, and the 2 vodka-cranberries didn't hurt, either!

After dinner, with the clock ticking, we drove home, pulled into the driveway, and then Tom asked me if he should pull the car into the garage (since we would have to go pick up the girls soon). I said, "not if you want a pole dance!" (Did I mention the pole in my garage?) Anyway, he immediately put the car in "park", and turned off the ignition. Game on!

I RAN into my closet, got on my hottest mini-skirt, fish-net over the knee socks, 6-inch patent leather heels, black satin "Please GOD, help me defy gravity" push-up bra, white button down shirt, black silk tie, black vest, and black fedora, and for a finishing touch, put my hair in ponytails. Never fails.

I tried desperately to remember the pole routine I had choreographed for him while taking "dance" classes 3 years ago. That's when the room started spinning. Oh, no, that's just me on the pole. Right. I ended up with rave reviews and some hot rewards. TMI, I know.

I have put the T-shirt project on hold for now, and when I went grocery shopping yesterday, just to be on the safe side, I did the "green" thing, and brought my own bags.

I Want A New Drug...-Huey Lewis and the News

2009-08-18T11:07:00.000-07:00

OK, not really. I am taking so many pills right now, that another would send me over the edge. And by pills, I mean vitamins. They are, basically, my breakfast each morning.

Along with the Miralax-laced VitaminWater I use to help the horse-sized vitamins swim down my gullet, I am taking:

One Vitamin E for skin,

Two B-12's for energy,

One Vitamin C chewable tablet (why do I love the taste of these so much?!) I was told that your body can NOT store vitamin C, so you have to take it daily!

Three MSM-Condroitin tablets for joint health (these have REALLY affected me in a positive way!) 3000 mgs. a day, and I am no longer stiff in the morning. Can't say the same for my hottie hubby...Meowza!

One Multi-Vitamin for back-up in case the others don't work...

One Chromium Picolinate because I read in some magazine that it puts women in a better mood. I think that this, along with my steady work out regimen, seems to be working! I DO feel like I am happier lately...may have something to do with my new "Twilight" obsession, though...

Last night, the hubs and I worked out at the club for an hour lifting weights (SO cool!), and then I came home and got on the "dreadmill" for an hour. Time flew, as I watched "Twilight" (AGAIN!) on the little DVD player I have perched at eye level in front of the treadmill. Something about those vampires makes me want to run! Tom said I can get cable out there, too! I guess that means I will need a new flatscreen, too, right?! YAHOOOOOOOO!!!!

Anyway, I woke up a pound lighter, and am really psyched. I want to be in shape for my birthday in January...I want to have a disco-skating party! That's just the way I roll.

The Heat Is On...-Glenn Frye

2009-08-09T19:45:00.000-07:00

OMG, get me the F**K out of Florida!!!

Technically, having landed in Florida, I am home. I was born in Miami, Florida. North Miami, to be exact. As soon as I was able, I high-tailed it to Southern California, away from the hot, humid, flying palmetto bug infested air that often caused me to wonder why I even BOTHERED to shower. It seemed so pointless. Unless things are "going my way", I DO NOT like to be hot or sticky! God forbid BOTH at the same time!

After agreeing that I do NOT want to be the Matron-of-honor and have to squeeze myself into a deep purple full length gown that I will most certainly NEVER wear again, I land in Orlando to attend/photograph the wedding of one of my lifelong best friends. I get off the plane, step one foot onto the JetBridge (who names those things?!) and am hit in the lungs by stifling, sticky, hot, wet air. I cannot breathe. At all. I immediately want to go back to my heavenly San Diego's balmy, year-round 73 degrees. Alas, I can not. I can't let my friend down on the happiest day of her life. (For the third time).

I have heard Florida referred to by some comedian as "The Penis of the United States". The way the atmosphere feels now, that penis belongs to some sweaty marathon runner wearing tiny, tight, Dolphin shorts. Remember those? Mine were blue satin with white piping. I was a pedophiles dream. I digress.

So I count the hours until my return flight, all the while keeping a cheery demeanor for the sake of the Bride-to-be. The next day is her wedding, after all, and the third time's a charm, right? So is her fiancee'. Handsome, super-sweet guy. Good for her! Hates having his picture taken. Bad for me.

The wedding day arrives, the morning sky is blue and clear, and we get all the portraiture done of the bride (GORGEOUS!) , her slave-of-honor (STUNNING), the groomsmen, and the groom. The ceremony begins, and suddenly, the sky turns black. And then the rain starts. Rain, actually, is a gross understatement. It was a monsoon. I kid you not. So much for the romantic photos I usually take after the ceremony...I am bummed.

The estate where they were married, the palatial home of the groom's sister, is an 11,000+ square foot house which sits on the same lake as Shaq and Tiger Woods' homes. His sister, turns out, is a total blast to be around, and will probably be a friend for life. But, that's another blog.

My point, and I do have one, is that if I thought that it was humid BEFORE the rain, it is now OFF THE CHARTS! The lawn is flooded, there is no way to even get to the boat house and dock without ruining the bride's gown. My heart sinks. I really had hoped to get some really killer shots for my friend, and perhaps my website-to-be, as well.

Later that night, sticking to my diet and carefully avoiding "Cracker Barrel", I quickly scroll through the images, and they are lovely. I will use the panoramic pictures I took early in the day as a backdrop, and place the closely cropped portraits on top. It will be a very nice album. Until the mildew gets it, that is...UGH!

Flying home to San Diego today, I couldn't wait to land! After I trotted through the airport to the valet, got into my husband's Porsche, put the top down, took the clip out of my hair, turned on the radio (Joan Jett was singing "Do you wanna touch...Yeah!, Do you wanna touch...Yeah!, Do you wanna touch me there...), I inhaled deeply the sweet, dry, 73 degree air, and drove off into the sunset. I am home.

Love Me Tomorrow...-Chicago

2009-07-30T10:02:00.000-07:00

Where do I begin? May it NEVER end. The friends, the fun, the photos...here we go! Had to post the titles to songs I knew by "Chicago", and their meanings to me!

ALONG COMES A WOMAN: My friend Deb who turned me on to the blog Happy Meals and Happy Hour, and "Happy Hour Sue". My life has been forever changed!

YOU'RE THE INSPIRATION: Sue, you are, and always will be, my BLOGGER IDOL, and have inspired me to get my own personal trainer. I want to claim you as my BlogHer roomate for eternity. Say yes. I am not above blackmail. Tena, we can get always get a suite...think about it!

STAY THE NIGHT: What I planned to do at BlogHer...stayed 3! Stayed up nearly ALL night for one of them...see future posts!

BABY WHAT A BIG SURPRISE: You CAN lose weight by drinking non-stop for four days!

25 or 6 2 4: How many followers I have (ish) and how many I would like to have! PLEASE follow...it's good for my fragile ego!

FEELIN' STRONGER EVERY DAY: Could be the weight-lifting I'd been doing prior, or the recovery from the "special sweet tea" we drank daily at BlogHer! Manny, our waiter, was the BOMB! He was the one who told us to go to "Boystown", but that's another post!

DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?: Does anybody really care? We missed a few of the "break-out" sessions in the mornings...missed breakfast both days, but made up for it by drinking "special sweet tea" for lunch and dinner! How did we lose 4 lbs?! Heard of "Drunkorexia"? It exists. Google it.

LOOK AWAY: What I TRIED to do in "Boystown"...lots of things to watch. Like a bad accident. I just can't help myself. I am weak. And I like to watch. It's the photographer in me. Tena, you missed out, my friend!

HARD HABIT TO BREAK: There are a few. Blogging, getting swag from the convention (thanks to DOVE, I now have enough deodorant for a year, and Tena got 18 flash drives!), and going to see our waiter Manny at the restaurant for our "special tea".

IF SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN FAITHFUL: = no good stories. We were very faithful to our diets!

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE: Hell?! Joking. New York City, baby!!!

SATURDAY IN THE PARK: We weren't technically in a park, we were in Boystown, the gay part of Chicago. We figured we could go out and party in safety. What are they going to do? Our hair? OMG the stories! Again, check back for later posts!

WISHING YOU WERE HERE: For all my blogger mommy friends who weren't able to make it. Start planning for next year! Also, I imagine it is Chicago singing to me! Wish I was still there, even though I missed my hottie hubby and the girls! What a flippin' BLAST! Can't wait for BlogHer '10!

To coin a term, Sue and I are now having a "text"-ra-marital affair. Do not steal this term. It's mine. Mine, all mine, I say!!! Oh, pisser. I just googled, and some other genius already thought of it. Oh, well.

Check back soon!

The Final Countdown...-Europe

2009-07-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know how to lose 30 lbs. in two days? Is it even possible to do so without cutting off limbs? "Blogging Helena". Yick. I ask, because in three days, I am off to the BlogHer convention in Chicago! I am so excited!

I had planned to drop the aforementioned weight in January or so, when I decided to attend the convention. As the TIME sped by, my car, by the Krispy Kreme shop, did not. I did the last-minute diet thing, where I have been working out two hours a day for the last two weeks, but have not made much progress. Now, I am out of TIME, and have resigned to just having a good TIME!

I have arranged all my mu-mu shirts in order of their camouflage abilities, and will pack the top 3 contenders. Add some spanx, dark pants, a padded push-up bra, make-up, and some Kahlua, and viola! Ten pounds of potatoes in a five-pound sack, ready to PAR-TAY!

I was actually blogging this morning, sitting at my laptop in my self-tanning lotion covered birthday suit, thinking how absolutely smelly that stuff is! Can't they fix that?! Blech! (TMI, I know!)

It's too late to get Botox, since it takes 5 days to kick in, and it's possible to get bruised! Can't risk looking like Rhianna at BlogHer!

Then, I was told that "everyone" at BlogHer wears t-shirts with their blog logo on them! Had to get those made. I got three t-shirts in different styles.

I then went home and tried on the tank top, and CRACK! The heat-transfer on the fabric couldn't "cover the girls". May have to re-think the padded push-up bra...naaahhh...the only good part of carrying around this "fluff" is the chest action! Plus, my roommie and I may get into a "Boob-off" with Dooce! Preggers or not, she WILL NOT WIN!

AND, I was told, don't forget business cards to hand out! Hand out to whom? Not quite sure yet. I got 40 made, then my roomie told me to get A LOT more. Got another 200 just in case. Will keep you posted!

So, here's the final tally:

Plane fare to Chicago: $35.00 R/T (Thank you, Hottie Hubby for your FF miles!)
Hotel room: $199.00/night x 3
Botox: $375.OO (even though I didn't get it in time!)
Self-tanning creams: $15.00
Mani/Pedi: $35.00
L'oreal Hair Color: $10.00 (yes, I do my own roots!)
Custom T-shirts with my Blog logo on the front: $30
Business cards with Blog address and logo: $30

Rooming with "Happy Hour Sue": Priceless!

Check out her amazing blog at www.HappyMealsandHappyHour.blogspot.com You can owe me. She is that funny!

It's Been A While...-Staind

2009-06-21T20:16:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted in nearly a month, and I REALLY want to thank the two readers who checked in today (only to find that I had not posted anything new). I really do appreciate your loyalty and time. (Sue, this ESPECIALLY means YOU!!!!)

Everyday, there seemed to be an excuse...

A) The end of the school year events and projects:

I, alone, did the entire first grade's state fair poster project in ONE DAY.
I put together the animated photo slideshow/videos for BOTH of my daughter's classes...this was a whole school year's worth of photos, plus, I volunteer several times weekly.

B) My photography:

Weddings to shoot, edit, get posted on-line, images to retouch, albums to order,
Pregnancy photos, parties to shoot, slideshows for the parties...family photos
I opened a "gallery" of sorts at my friend's store called "PLUME" in Rancho Santa Fe...
Bought a HUGE electronic frame which is STILL scrolling through the same 24 images it has for the past two weeks...have only hung 5 pictures in frames...pathetic.

C) The house:

Endless dusting, laundry, plant watering (the gardeners do not water the potted plants or weave the vines on the walls), attempting to cook dinner for the family on occasion, trying to do fun things with my girls...

D) It doesn't matter:

All of the above was really put into perspective yesterday morning, when I got news that a dear friend had passed away from cancer. If you scroll down on the right, you will see a little photo of THE FABULOUS GALA GIRLZ. Cindy, or "Cizzle", as she was nicknamed by the GG's, is the one in the white sweater. We knew it was coming, just didn't know when, and I certainly didn't know it would be this soon.

I know that Cindy would love to have the so-called "problems" we face daily...instead, she has to watch her 7 and 10 year-old daughters grow up from Heaven. So sad. She will be missed, and will always be loved.

I am going to try to post more often...and thanks for reading. Cindy is the beautiful woman on the left. Her twin Deb is the beauty on the right. I know tears can ruin a laptop, so that's all for now.

Somebody tell a joke.

Hollywood Swinging...-Kool and the Gang

2009-05-21T19:51:00.000-07:00

I will be the first to admit, I get a little star-struck on occasion. Such an occasion arose the other day, when my "Hottie Hubby" asked me if I wanted to be the candid photographer for a charity event he was producing for one of his clients. Uh, yeah…like you had to ask? Get out of carpooling, laundry, and cooking dinner all in one day? I was “Happy Mommy!”

LOVE my fish-eye lens!

Turns out, the event was a top-tier golfer named Briny Baird (Brine-ee Bayrd) hitting some golf balls off the top of the skyscraping Omni Hotel in San Diego, trying to hit a giant vinyl target laid out on the field of Petco Park, some 268 yards away, and 340 feet below! OK, so his name is unusual, (kinda sounds like a cute fuzzy bear from a children's book, doesn't it?) but he is the NICEST GUY!

I got some really cool photos , too! I wanted to bring the vinyl target home afterward for a giant play-dough mat for the girls…but, no.

A wide-angle did the trick on this shot...

The whole event was sponsored by PFChang’s, one of my fave restaurants on earth! (Pei Wei, their equally tasty “China bistro” offspring, is a close second! ) Anyway, Briny, being the golfer extraordinaire that he is, easily got 8 of the 10 hits on target! PFChang’s then donated $25,000.00 to the Padres Foundation, which helps local military families in need! How cool is that? I was crying when they presented the giant check….shocker, I know. God Bless America, and God bless auto-focus.

Check out THIS action:

As they say on late night TV, BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

FREE LETTUCE WRAPS AT P.F.CHANG’S!

Anyone who goes to

www.PFChangs.com can click on the top right corner where it says “Chip-shot for Charity”, and download a coupon for a FREE, yes, FREE Lettuce wrap appetizer! They are comprised of perfectly seasoned chicken embraced by a cool, crisp leaf of iceberg lettuce...they are beyond scrumptious, and fairly nutritious! Did I mention that ANYONE can get this coupon?! For FREE??!! I am so excited!

And now I’m hungry.

The lead photographer hired for the event from Getty Images shot this KILLER photo! He got the shot by mounting his camera on this telescoping pole that towered above Briny. I am acrophobic (heights are not my friend!), so I am glad I got to shoot my photos of Briny from one of the skyboxes on the opposite side of the field. Plus, they had lots of Diet Coke! The stunt also won “shot of the week” on ESPN in a landslide vote.

Hint: Tom, my birthday is right around the corner…just 8 short months away….I need one of those telescoping camera poles!

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

I got some good shots of Briny, and I got a shot of the PFChang’s super nice Big-Cheese, Rick Tasman, shaking Briny’s hand that is going to be on the front page of a newspaper in Arizona!

Note the PFChangs "Immunity Idol" (for you SURVIVOR fans!)

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

"Hottie Hubby" told me that since I did a good job, he will fund the creation of a new wesite for my photography! I have now blogged about this, so you all are my witnesses!

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

I got my coupon for FREE LETTUCE WRAPS! Go to www.PFChangs.com to get yours! "Happy Mommy"!

Yellow...-Coldplay

2009-05-14T14:01:00.000-07:00

I PEED!

AND NOT BY ACCIDENT!!!

The surgery was a success! I am sore, a bit, like bad cramps, but the industrial strength Motrin is doing it's job! And,the Vicodin the doctor prescribed was ROCKIN' last night...I woke up in the EXACT SAME POSITION as when I fell asleep watching "THE COUGAR" on TiVo!

Everthing went pretty well...the surgeon said that they accidentally "compromised my bladder" a bit, which means they CUT ME IN THE WRONG PLACE, but that it would heal, and it seems like it has. He is an awesome doctor. Those knives are sharp!

I had to have a nasty catheter overnight...let me tell you, that taking it out BY MYSELF this morning was soooo not fun! But it's out, and now I wait to see if I can soon run, jump, lunge, bounce, laugh, sneeze and pole dance without leaking! This will not happen quickly, I know, as walking is a real labor today, but I am hopeful!

I guess I am on the road to recovery! Thanks for all your prayers!

Cuts Like A Knife...-Bryan Adams

2009-05-11T19:38:00.000-07:00

I have heard "giving birth" compared to "pooping out a watermelon". Pretty.

If you have ever seen the size of my daughter's head, you would assume that some damage was done. Even after the doctor delivered her (the regular way), he took one look at her noggin and stated, "Oooh, that should have been a C-section!". Thanks.

Nineteen hours of hard labor, but no scars. I was happy. At the time. I did not want that now nearly invisible C-section scar that I incurred with the birth of my second daughter. What the h-e-double hockey sticks was I thinking?!

So, I am all proud of the fact that I had my first daughter "the regular way" (with an epidural, though...I am not THAT tough!) Then, I noticed the lack of bladder control while sneezing. "Do Kegels", said one friend. "It will come back, said another. Nothin' doin. It progressed to a level where most activities...laughing, coughing, running, lifting, jumping, dancing, walking up stairs, and being scared to death (by my nutty husband who thinks hiding in the pantry until I walk in and scream is hysterical)...led to a condition I like to refer to as "soggy bottom".

All that is about to change! I hope. I am "getting repaired" on Wednesday! I never considered the surgery in years prior, because I had heard that the procedure to fix this malady has you on your back for 6 to 8 weeks. I can't do that...I have BlogHer to attend at the end of July!!! I need time to get into shape!

I finally did a little research, and it turns out it is a 20 minute out-patient gig, with a few hours post-op recovery, a good night's rest with the help of a few Vicodin (YAHOO!!), and I can drive your kids to school the next day! WHAT? I have been wet (NOT in a GOOD WAY) for nearly 7 years for nothing???!!!

I am so excited, and I must admit, a little nervous. Oh, and did I mention I can't have any "action" for two months? Hottie hubby is out of luck.

But, think of all the things I will now be able to do! Run around playing with my girls at the park! Participate in "Parent's Day" at gymnastics!

But, there's the two-months of "nada nookie"...

I can teach them jazz and tap!

But there's no "gettin' busy" for 8 weeks!

I will be able to work out without stopping every 20 minutes to "freshen up"! I can crack up at "Cougar Den" skits on SNL and Happy Hour Sue's blog posts without leaking on the Persian rug! The possibilities seem endless!

But then, there's the two-month "dry spell" that looms ahead.

I can only hope this short "dry-spell" leads to one that lasts for years!

Wish me luck!

(Send batteries!)

Out Of The Closet...-Michael Jackson

2009-05-03T18:08:00.001-07:00

About the title: One of MJ's lesser known tunes, I know, but "fitting" on so many levels!

I have had "Blogger's Block" for some time now. I decided to first check the pantry one last time to be SURE I was out of Kahlua, and if so, just give up trying to come up with a good blogging topic.

Today was Sunday, and I almost began to DREAD another week...because it was one more week that I didn't post SOMETHING. My hubby was giving me ideas (too controversial), my kids (too juvenile), and my friends (too sordid). So I decided to do something constructive with my time, and clean out my closet!

My good friend Melissa is going to have one of those parties soon where the guests all bring over their old clothes that are just too cute to donate, but they are either bored of, or in my case, will probably never fit into again. Everyone trades stuff with everyone else. Not sure exactly how it's going to work, but it's a great theme, and a good reason to go through all the crap in my closet.

Soon after going through some of the stuff, I started to bring some of them out to show my husband. He just started to cackle! I have had many of the garments since LONG before I met him, and some before I even graduated HIGH SCHOOL! I would never throw many things out in case I needed them for an audition or a Halloween costume!

This jacket by Tony Alamo cost over $500 in 1988. I will NEVER get rid of it, as it was a gift from one of my best friends, Danita.

I soon after dropped some coin on THIS Tony Alamo...I swear I was not on drugs. Man, if I could get all that money back! Oy Vey!

This lovely number was from my "Prince" phase. I saw him at an LA club, and actually asked him to dance. His smiling reply: "Maybe later". Denied. At least he was polite! I am still a HUGE fan! Got to take his photo when he performed at the Idol finale' a few years back. Amazing!

Keeping this one, too.

This was one of the dresses I wore to a "formal", with the "dyed-to-match" satin pumps and clutch purse, of course! I tried to convince Tom that this style of dress was very popular in the eighties, and he said, "Yeah, Nineteen Eighty Never!" Too funny. I bet Sarah Jessica Parker would LOVE this! Doesn't it look like something "Carrie" would wear on "Sex and the City"?! No? Oh. ok. whatever.

This is a Betsey Johnson...I even have a matching "scrunchie" (see the blue arrow). I am pretty sure even saying the WORD "Scrunchie" is illegal in seven states! God help me. I just can't get rid of this one, either!

This was a total waste...I must have been channeling Elvira at a rest home when I bought this beauty! Can you tell I wore a lot of black?

There are no words. My mom tried to donate this beauty years ago, and I actually took it OUT OF THE DONATION PILE! Silk was expensive back then! No excuses. Back into the donation pile it goes.

All told, I filled two INDUSTRIAL strength garbage bags with clothing to be donated to the fashion impaired or those skilled with a sewing machine, and I have a nice pile of cool stuff in size 4 for the party. Those skinny bitches can have it! I just found some Kahlua in the back corner of the pantry!

Forever In Blue Jeans...-Neil Diamond

2009-04-09T18:39:00.000-07:00

I have been on the lookout for some new jeans. I fear that as I age, I will fall into the "mom jeans" trap!

Most of the jeans these days have these 2 or 3 inch zippers, and create the "muffin top" effect. No thank you!

I finally found some that were great fitting and really inexpensive at COSTCO!!!! My friend tells me I am not allowed to buy my clothes where I buy my food (Super Target and Wal-Mart), but they are Calvin Klein's, were under $25.oo, and they fit like they were made for me, so I bought 6. Wish that was the size, too, but no.

I suddenly remembered this really funny video from SNL, and found it for you all to see. Have a laugh, and if you have some "mom jeans", ' fess up!

Dance, Dance...-Fallout Boy

2009-04-06T23:26:00.001-07:00

I love to dance. I always held a secret hope as a young girl of becoming a professional. The other night, I was dancing around the kitchen with my husband while the girls were finishing up their dinner. My daughter said, "Mommy, you should go on Dancing With The Stars". "I can't", I replied, "I'm not famous". My daughter said, "Oh, yes you are...you're on 'Google'!" After a good laugh, my husband also added that I would not be a good candidate, since I am not a former convict. More laughter. Then I started thinking...

ABC should change the name of the show to "Dancing Behind Bars". Or "Dancing With the Convicts". This season, DWTS is featuring two former inmates in their "celebrity" line-up. Have you noticed?

First we have Lil' Kim. Calls herself a "Black Barbie". Well, both are plastic, so I'll give her that. She obviously shares Janet and Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon. And, what's with the spooky contact lenses? She was convicted of three counts of perjury and one count of conspiracy. If she doesn't win DWTS, she should run for office. Perhaps there's a cabinet post open in Washington..."Secretary of Salsa". She dedicated one of her first dances to all her "friends" back at the women's prison. Elegant.

Then you have Lawrence Taylor, arrested for crack cocaine posession and income tax evasion. Hmmm...cabinet post for you, too! His eyes look like he was smoking a doob right before the performance!

Hey, I know...how about Shawn Johnson's stalker?! He might be a good candidate!

Seriously, is ABC that desperate for celebrity dancers? They must have some sort of pre-ordained "slots" to cast. I can hear the programming execs now..."Let's see...we need a former olympian, a teen, some sort of soft core porn person, a sports figure, a couple of bad actors/actresses, a singer or two, an octogenarian, a chippendale type guy,...oh, and throw in a couple of convicts. If they fit into any of the prior categories, even better! Now that's good TV!"

Maybe it was part of their parole negotiations that they go on the show. This is supposed to be a "family show"?!. ABC must be joking! My daughters are supposed to admire these bedazzled jailbirds? My husband thinks the biggest criminal on the show is the hairdresser.

Just heard on the news that Alex De Silva, a choreographer from "So You Think You Can Dance" is in jail, too, for being a serial rapist. Lovely.

Click. That was my TV being turned off. I am just going to go back to "Dancing In My Kitchen".

"Out of the Frying Pan (and Into the Fire)"...-Meatloaf

2009-03-19T21:15:00.000-07:00

I think I am going to faint. My husband actually complimented me on the meatloaf I cooked for dinner.

WHAAATTT??!!

That beautiful image above? Sooooooo not it.

I warned him when we met that I DO NOT COOK! (Not in the KITCHEN, anyway...he, he, he)

Granted, when the "cooking compliment" occurred, I was rubbing his feet (it's the least I can do...he works so hard to give us a nice life) and he was most likely high on "Nyquil" (he does not drink alcoholic beverages, and it's the only way he can get some sleep with the wicked cold he has had for the past five days).

Here's a rundown...

First, he said: "Real nice 'lunch', Poofie".

OK, he calls all meals "lunch" as a joke (even if it's dinner, as was the case here), and the "Poofie" part, well, let's just let that go for now...that's it's own post, trust me!

Second thing out of his mouth: "Did YOU make the meatloaf"?

Of course, I did not get mad at this comment, since most of the meals I have prepared (heated up) in the past, were from the local grocery store's hot deli section, and were transferred into our own Corell cookware at the last minute so as not to arouse suspicion. Never worked. He always saw the aluminum containers in the garbage can.

Note to self: In future, take aluminum containers out to BIG garbage cans and bury deeply!

I told him that I did, indeed, make the meatloaf (it is my mother's recipe-- two pounds of ground beef, two slices of Wonder Bread all crumbled up (easier if you freeze the bread first!), a packet of onion soup mix, three to five tablespoons of ketchup or catsup (however you wish to spell it), and five "shakes" of Worcestershire sauce (however you wish to say it!) 350 degrees for an hour or so...top with more ketchup/catsup half way through cooking... It's yumska!

Coupled with a box of those killer Betty Crocker Au Gratin potatoes, some frozen peas, and...

I am ready for Top Chef!

Not.

"C" Is For Cookie...-The Cookie Monster

2009-03-19T10:17:00.000-07:00

It is here. At long last. "It" is Girl Scout Cookie Season! I have waited an entire year. OK, maybe not an entire year... last year as the season neared closing, I stashed some of them in the freezer.

I used to be a Girl Scout, so I sort of feel compelled to support the cause. Also, many of my mommy friends' daughters are Girl Scouts, and when I see them as I exit the local Ralph's grocery store, I simply HAVE to buy a few (8) boxes, right? THEN, this year, they have started "Thin Mints for the Troops", where you can actually pay for the cookies, and the Girl Scouts will ship them to our deserving defenders of our freedom! I am not surprised that they are sending the very best flavor to our soldiers. Great idea, Girl Scouts of America!

So far, this year, I have only eaten them for dinner twice. Just one box (per meal), so not TOO bad. Alas, the season has just begun.

Question: Why do they call them "Thin Mints", when all they do is make me FAT??!!

The Thin Mint Diet: 1 row = a snack, 2 rows = a meal. However, I have to brush my teeth right after indulging so my husband won't see the black crumbs in my molars. They are a dead giveaway. So much for my BlogHer diet. Rats.

In case you were wondering, as I was, the VICIOUS rumors about the boxes being smaller are true. I googled.

My husband digs the Samoas. Those are the coconut-ish cookies striped with chocolate. I know that if he has had a bad day at work, and I have forgotten to stock the freezer with a quart of Chocolate Haagen-Dasz, that the Samoas will fill in nicely. Turns out, word got out in his office that they are his favorite, and he got FOUR BOXES! Probably from the skinny hot chicks in his office. Piss me right off. I think I will go eat another box.

What's your favorite?

Let Your Love Flow...-Bellamy Brothers

2009-03-04T15:14:00.000-08:00

Love, not, uh, "pee pee". I couldn't find a good song title for this post...if you have a better suggestion, send it in, and I will change it.

Last night, as I undressed to get into the shower, my youngest daughter asked me if all mommies wear the same underwear. "What are you talking about?", I asked.

She then asked, "Do all mommies wear the skinny diapers?" She refers to the lovely pads I must wear daily in order to avoid "embarassing accidents". She asked what they are called, and I told her, "G-strings. (Pre-schoolers talk!!)

Don't get me wrong, as the label states, the pads are really thin. Like a baby crib mattress. Barely noticeable, though you might think I used to be someone named "Bruce" if you really took a hard look.

Because of this condition, I can't sneeze, or dance wildly, or laugh hard, or pick up heavy objects, or run, or climb stairs rapidly without "wetting" myself. Trampolines are just out of the question. That part really bites. I used to love bouncing on those things...and not just because of the name.

I blame my first daughter's big head and natural childbirth. After 19 hours of hard labor and then delivery, I remember my OB/GYN looking at the circumference of my daughter's head and saying, "You should have had a c-section." Ya think?!

Thank you GOD that big noggin of hers is all brain! Smart as a whip, that kid. Both of my girls, actually.

My friend with the same problem had some sort of operation, but it didn't work. Apparently, you have to "get lucky" and get the "right type of operation" for your specific malady.

One doctor told me to do those Kegel exercises...didn't really help. I tried doing them in the car at stoplights as she suggested, but got some strange looks from other drivers. Apparently, you CAN see people who are flexing their inner muscles. Or, I am just doing them wrong.

I wonder if people know what is going on when I am pushing the cart down the aisle at Home Depot, or wherever, and I freeze, cross my legs at the knees, and sneeze. I usually sneeze twice in a row, so it's kind of like a little dance. Freeze, cross knees, sneeze. Take a few steps. Repeat. I have received some "knowing" looks from more than a few moms.

Rosanne Barr once said she knows she is old, because she is dry in places she used to be wet, and wet in places she used to be dry.

Will this ever end?

Depends...

I'm A Barbie Girl...-Aqua

2009-02-26T18:49:00.000-08:00

I used to be a "Barbie" for Mattel.

Back in the day, they sent me all over Florida as "French Barbie"...part of their (at the time) new, international collection.

I remember my dialog... "Bonjour, I am Mademoiselle Barbie. I am from Paris, the capitol of France". That was it. Tough lines, I know.

I tried, without much success, to deliver the lines with a french accent. Growing up in South Florida, it probably sounded more "Cuban" than anything else.

It was a fun gig. They custom made me a pink can-can dancer's dress, just like the doll. This may explain my penchant for fishnet stockings!

I got to sign autographs for all the little girls, who would stare up at me in suspended disbelief.

Now, Barbie is turning 50. Sh*t happens, right? Anyway, check out this hysterical video...it pretty much covers it. Stripper pole, leopard prints, Botox, and of course, gravity.

What's New, Pussycat?...-Tom Jones

2009-02-14T20:43:00.000-08:00

Allow me to set the scene. It's Valentine's Day...a holiday I am pretty sure was INVENTED by Hallmark.

But, GOD FORBID, that I don't get:

A) some sort of chocolate (preferably in a heart shaped box)

B) overpriced roses that will surely die in 3 days, or

C) some inane greeting card selected by my daughters because there is a puppy on the front

I round the corner in anticipation...

And there it was. OK, "Hot Hubby Tom" is off the hook. I see the heart shaped box presented on the kitchen counter, awaiting my bleary-eyed self to open it and devour all the delectable sweets it contains. That should take a total of 5 minutes. Four hours on the treadmill springs to mind.

Screw it. I am eating them all. Now.

Gotta find the caramels first. Good thing my thumbnail is on the "long" side...

But, what's this? This piece looks different. Is this Whitman's Sampler defective? Was Russell Stover drinking when my heart shaped box was assembled? Do I need to sue See's Candy Company for including some choking hazard in my collection of chocolate delights?

I flip this odd piece over, and upon further investigation, realize that it is a key.

To this.

This takes "off the hook" to a whole new level.

How I scored this...or my amazing husband, for that matter, is far beyond my comprehension. I sure his mother concurs.

Note to Tom: Thank you, my angel, for making all my dreams come true every day of my life. You are more wonderful than words, and I will never deserve you, but I will try.

Happy Valentine's Day!

BTW, I would have put myself in the photo, but I am not looking my best with my chapped lips.

I know that you know what I mean.

Can't Touch This...-M.C.Hammer

2009-02-12T10:02:00.000-08:00

I know that I am being trivial and "A-R", but what the H-E-double hockey sticks is the deal with males and "decorative toweling"? Do they not "get it" that you DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES actually USE the fancy towels???!!!!

They have been carefully layered with contrasting colors...the hand towel over the bath towel, and adorned with the ornamental tassel...they sometimes feature co-ordinating fabric pleating and piping.

They are too fancy to mess up! WHAT DON'T THEY UNDERSTAND????!

There are alternatives!!! I have placed color-coordinated little paper napkin type towels RIGHT NEXT TO THE SINK for them to dry their hands with after washing.

Or, if they are really sneaky, they can do what I somtimes do, and reach their damp hands up inside the folds and wipe them on the inside of the hanging towel. No VISIBLE damage done!

Seriously, my six and four-year olds know better...but, they are girls.

My father-in-law (whom I love dearly) does this every time he visits. I have started to actually HIDE said items when he is en route. I put all the nice stuff in the cabinets, and though it makes me "tick", put out all the soon-to-be car wash towels for him to use. This almost works.

Which leads me to my next rant: DO NOT UNWRAP THE FANCY SOAPS, EITHER!!! This is a favorite pastime of my FIL. The soap pump I bought for him is invisible, apparently.

Now, my cousin and his 19 year-old son are coming to spend the night. I am scared. Is it rude to leave a note? I know, I will just flat out ask him not to use them. He is "Metro"...he will get it.

The Sweetest Thing...-U2

2009-02-09T18:11:00.001-08:00

I volunteered to make 60 cupcakes and a mini-cake for my good friend's 2-year-old daughter's birthday. And I wasn't even drunk when I did it. I thought that they could be my "present" for her.

Don't get me wrong, I love to decorate cakes and such. It's kind of like swimming, scrapbooking, and sex. It's kind of tedious to "get started", but once you are "into it", it's really fun and you are glad you did it. (I thank my friend Erika for this great analogy).

I have taken all the Wilton cake decorating classes at Michael's (an arts and crafts store). They even wanted me to consider teaching at the end of all my classes, so I guess I was fairly proficient. I bought all the accessories (just like my scrapbooking and "dancing" classes!), all the little decorating "nozzles" so that I could squish icing out into various wormlike shapes.

Did you know that if you wiggle the nozzles while squishing the icing bag just so, the little wormies can be made into flowers, leaves, borders, etc.? It's amazing. Plus, you get to eat all your mistakes!

I made my first cake for my daughter Molly. It's really crooked, but those clowns were tasty! (Now, there's a quote for ya!) I really am digging on that tin-foil base, aren't you?! UGH!

I really learned a lot in those classes. I learned that it is easier to frost a cake when it's frozen, how to make "royal icing"...the kind that hardens after a few minutes (no jokes here, people), how to work with fondant (what the "BABY" cake and babies are made out of), how to make all kinds of flowers and stuff out of icing, and how to gain 30 pounds in 8 short weeks.

Not really.

OK, really.

<<< Cute little tiny hiney, no?!

So, I decorate the cupcakes with edible spray paint in "pink and purple" princess colors, sprinkle them with "magic" matching sugar crystals, and top them with a little paper tiara, which the birthday girl promptly ate. Oh, well, I guess it's "fiber". She had little interest in the mini-cake that I made her. The bouncy-house wins every time.

The guests raved. My friend was so happy and said she couldn't have bought any that would have compared. I was so happy that my friend was happy, and on a sugar-high from hell. My good friends "Bartles and James" took care of that little issue, though.

Next party gift for one of my friend's kids=Toys R Us. Just kidding. Ish.

The First Cut Is The Deepest...-Sheryl Crow

2009-02-01T16:48:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I spent 12 hours scrapbooking. In a row. I know.

I feel it coming...I feel like I am just that much closer to becoming one of "those people" who hang out their decorative flags for every flickin' holiday. (Did you know there is an "Arbor Day" decorative flag?! Whooda thunk?!)

There is a new scrapbooking store in San Diego (Scrapbook Your Life) that has these marathon scrapbooking sessions. It only costs $10, so I met up with a few of the other Gala Girlz (the fund-raising moms from my daughters' previous school) to slice, dice, lick and stick our pics into overpriced, overdecorated albums.

Supposedly, these albums are expandable, which they need to be, since chronicalling your children's lives "from womb to 6 in two inches" just isn't going to happen. What they don't tell you, is that you will need an engineering degree to figure out the process. Granted, I am new-ish to this, and all the veteran scrappers out there are probably laughing their "fiskars" off, (they get it, trust me!), but getting the additional page-protectors into the album is daunting for me.

So, I have my two albums all set...one for each of my adorable daughters. I plan to give them their albums for a high-school graduation present. What better way to show my love for them, than to give them something that took so much time and planning?
Their dad will get them a new car, and the scrapbook will be stolen from the unlocked trunk. I can see it all now.

Next, I got all the photos I wanted to include in order. Sort of. I actually just grabbed two of the twelve shoeboxes full of 4x6's (I am a photographer, after all) and carted them off to the scrapbooking place. Turns out I brought 1.9 boxes too many.

Upon entering the 5000 square foot store, Starbucks (round 1) in hand, an overwhelming feeling of futility engulfed me. The possibilities are truly endless. Aisles of scrapbooking paper in every solid color, print, and theme (almost...no "pole dancing" paper...I checked!) you can imagine. I picked out four 12x12 pieces of acid and or lignen (what is that?) free paper, and THOUGHT I was ready to go. Uh-uh. Nooooooohoho.

I needed "embellishments". Lots of them. More than that. Even more. Along with your imagination, you will need die-cuts (little pieces of paper cut into cute little shapes), cute ribbon, 3-D dots (you can layer your photos to give them depth!), glitter glue, glue pens (a must-have for the tiny die-cuts), and glitter pens. I was completely impressed/depressed.

The "Girlz" filter in...Cizzle kindly brought us Starbucks (round 2), and we snip, giggle, stick, chat, splice, and have just the greatest time. Such wonderful friends I have.

Next thing I know, five hours have passed!! I have created a few cool pages, and I am not even wanting to leave to get dinner! Whoa! I may have invented a new diet! "Cut your carbs while you cut your photos!" Catchy, huh?! We plan on Olive Garden (gotta love those breadsticks) but eventually opt for the MUCH faster and equally delish Chic-Fil-A. After dinner, Starbucks (round 3!) in hand, we all scurry back to our cut-outs, eager to continue our projects.

It is now 11 P.M.. "Last call" at a scrapbooking store = the sound of the vaccuum. It actually caused me anxiety to hear it! Felt just like home!

With a real honest-to-goodness sense of accomplishment, a ruined manicure, and more than a couple of paper-cuts, I loaded up all my scrapbooking accessories and headed home.

It was a great day. I discovered that yes, I can "cut it!"

tBTW, the next time I do this, I am bringing my good friend Kahlua with me! They allow "beverages" as long as they're in a closed container. God Bless America!

Gimme Gimme...-Britney Spears

2009-01-05T13:48:00.000-08:00

Me: Hi, I'm Lisa, and I am a carboholic.

You: Hi, Lisa.

I am a lover of all things starchy. Bread, potatoes, bread made from potatoes, and of course Vodka (which can be made from potatoes, and as such, I often consider it a "vegetable" when consumed at dinnertime).

I crave carbs so much. I think the lack of them in my diet is causing a sort of dementia. I have actually been thinking about WORDS with carbs... like "Carburator". Can I eat one of those? How many points is it on Weight Watchers?

I try to eat fewer carbs. I really do. This morning, I finally decided I needed some, and ate one of those Vanilla Special K breakfast bars. These Barbie-sized bars are drizzled with icing, so you sort of feel like you are getting a treat, but they are REALLY small.

So I ate two.

Boxes.

ARGH!!!!

Don't You Forget About Me...-Simple Minds

2009-01-04T16:01:00.000-08:00

Today's date is January 4th, 2009... three days after New Year's Day, twenty one days until my birthday, and a full 10 days since Santa dropped off what seems like every item in the Toys-R-Us catalog. On the morning of January 2nd, I diligently jumped off our "marshmallow couch" where I had fallen asleep to some late-night medical mystery show on TLC, and began to pack up the extensive holiday decor.

This year will be different, I told myself. I got out the box of Ziplocs, and proceeded to take down and sort into the bags the ornaments on the tree. Star-like ornaments in one bag, angels in another, snowflake types in yet another...you get the idea. I pulled out the giant plastic Rubbermaid bins from the garage which I had labeled in a prior year of ambition, and continued to un-twist-tie (?) the garland from the bannisters, fireplace mantels, and smoosh them in with the assorted pinecone sprigs from around our home.

I knew the exterior lights would be taken down soon by the same guys who put them up for a small fortune...cheaper than back surgery, I told my hubby. I moved on.

I bagged all the holiday cards...don't ask me why, but I have every holiday card I have ever received. Birthday cards, too. I love to look back at the cards from years past (mostly the ones with the photos) and see how we all used to look.

I dragged out the vaccuum to clean up all the fake little green "needles" that fell off our fake trees...yes, we have two. One is for me so I can make it look like it belongs in a hotel...everything matching our current home furnishings. This year it was "spa blue and chocolate". Sounds bad for a Christmas tree, but was really nice, I think. Made me hungry and in need of a massage all at the same time. I make all the French ribbon bows, and wrap the gifts to match. I know, I need a therapist.

Anyway, the upstairs "kids' tree" is, of course, multi-colored, and decorated with tiny stuffed animals, the "ornaments" (I use this term VERY loosely) they have made over the years, and high atop with outstretched plastic arms is the "angel Barbie"...poor thing has had a branch stuffed up her hoo-ha since the day after Thanksgiving. Ouch.

The furniture has been Pledged and Windexed, the pillows fluffed, dropping from all the assorted baked goods have been extricated from the ovens and the cracks between the stove and countertops, and I am exhausted.

My husband, fresh from "Clickerville" (the land of couch and TV remote control where I am sure many husbands like to visit), glances around and says, "Wow, that got put away fast!" Right. (In his defense, I actually requested that he just "stay out of my way").

A few days pass, and I see that our wooden carved reindeer has escaped my pursuit. I grab him, haul him down to the garage, and stuff him in with the garland.

Next day, I see an errant ornament that has rolled under the ottoman. I decide that it is not worth it to access the now re-boxed ornaments...do I recycle it? CAN it be recycled? I shove it in the bin with Prancer and the garland.

Next year, I should pack up everything in their boxes, but leave out one extra empty box for all the Christmas stuff I FORGET to pack up initially. That's a good idea.

Two more days go by, New Years Day has passed, and I notice I have yet to remove the "pygmy wreath" I twist-tied onto the front of my SUV. "Why do I decorate my car for Christmas?", I often ask myself. I am just a sheep. It is one of those things people in my 'hood do, and I feel "left out" if I don't do it, too. I have not yet brought myself to hang theme flags from my home for each holiday yet...my sister in Atlanta recently caved. It's only a matter of time for me, I suppose."

No more room in the garland box with Prancer and the random ornament, so I shove the mini-wreath into a bin labeled "patio furniture covers". Well, at least they're all "green".

So here we are, January 4th, 2009, and I have promised my offspring Princesses a fun day, since school starts up again tomorrow. I ask their princess friends over for a "Princess Tea", replete with sandwiches cut into heart shapes, tiaras, wands, cookies to decorate, princess music to dance to, jewelry making, and all sorts of princess fun. As one of the mommies comes over to drop off her little royal, I open the front door only to be poked in the eye by our oversized Christmas wreath.

I give up.

Why Can't Wii (We) Be Friends?...-War

2008-12-29T12:04:00.000-08:00

Santa brought me a Wii for Christmas.

OK, what really happened is that I went to Target one day after Thanksgiving, and two other moms were buying them, and I saw that the " Target Dawgs" were hiding them behind the counter. I got nervous that they would all be sold out by Christmas, so I bought myself one.

Then, I HAD to get the Wii FIT, the additional remote, the charger, Wii Cheer (after all, I was a Miami Dolphin's Cheerleader back in the day), Wii Dance Dance Revolution 2, and some other random accessories the "Target Dawg" insisted that I needed in order to fully appreciate my new toy.

Six hundred and four dollars (WHAT?!) later, I called my hot hubby to thank him for the Christmas gift that he just bought me.

Me: "Hi, angel...I'm just calling to thank you for my Christmas present! I love it!"

Him: "You're welcome. What did I get you?"

Me: "Wii"

Him: "OK, what did WE get you?"

Me: "No, a Wii! The computer game thingy where I can lose weight! (losing weight is always a good thing to mention when I really want something...like the "dancer's pole" and mirrored wall in my garage).

Him: "OK. I gotta get back to work".

So, I diligently wrap the items with lovely paper and bows, and place them under the tree. I tell my girls that they are "decorative" boxes, and not really gifts, so that they won't try to open them early.

Christmas comes, the hubby kindly agrees to set it all up for me, and YAHOO!!! I am cheering along with the little hottie avatars to some kick-butt choreography! A few hours later, I am so excited about this new game...convinced that this is the way the pounds will fall away in 2009.

Then, the next day, my best friend comes for a visit, and we cheer, bowl, play tennis, baseball...etc.

The NEXT day, I can't move my neck. ARGH!!!

I am slathered with "Icy-Hot" balm, hoping that I can feel better soon and start cheering again!

Thanks, Santa!

Holiday...-Madonna

2008-12-22T18:54:00.000-08:00

Like Kwanzaa, invented in 1966, I am inventing a holiday in 2008 JUST FOR MOMS!

I'm calling it MOMZA!!! (I am seriously going to copyright this).

MOMZA is to take place annually, just after the holidays, on January ____.
(fill in the date your kids go back to school).

MOMZA is a holiday filled with all things feminine, but just for moms (and their girlfriends willing to participate!)

Celebrations MUST include the following:

Spas (massages, manicures, etc.)

Chardonnay (or, in my case, Kahlua...feel free to substitute your beverage of choice!)

Shoe shopping

Sitters (no kids allowed!)

Devout followers are allowed to partake in "cougaring" (but only for one hour).

So, MOMZA. What do you think?!

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas...-Bing Crosby (and others)

2008-12-17T18:21:00.002-08:00

OMG, has it really been nearly two months since I blogged???!!! YIKES!!!!

As for the song in the title, I HAD to pick Bing Crosby, since we live in a neighborhood named after him!

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas, and...well, all the stuff in the card above!

Please come back to visit this blog after the New Year...I will be back to normal after all the holiday photo orders have been completed! Well, "normal" for me, that is! Miss you all!

Enough is Enough...-Donna Summer

2008-10-27T21:53:00.000-07:00

OK, enough is enough!

When my kids were born, either having ESP or the foresight to know this would happen, I kindly requested that well-wishers NOT give me (or my offspring, rather) stuffed animals. My allergic reactions to dust mites and primary colors notwithstanding, I knew that these critters would invade my home and take up all available space in the toy box. No one listened. To date, we have well over 100 stuffed animals, including...get this...stuffed versions of the Foster Farms chickens. (You know, the ones on the TV commercials who claim they are fresh chickens as they drive around in their beat up chevy?! )

All of the Winnie the Pooh characters are represented, as well as every Disney creature ever conceived! Apparently, creating Disney princess dolls in the likeness of Barbie is not enough...oh, no, they must also be made into STUFFED princesses, and then, be sold in MULTIPLE SIZES! ARGH!!!! It's true! We have small, medium, and large stuffed "Ariel" mermaid dolls swimming around the house at all times.

As for the photo, my hot hubby, also known as "King Daddy Fun Guy" (sounds like a strange strain of mushroom if you say it quickly) thinks that placing some (really, this isn't the half of them!) of the stuffed menagerie all down the staircase is fun! Whoopee! I guess I can work off a pound schlepping them all back up to the girls' room...but I would almost rather get on the "dreadmill" than do that.

I really need to go through and filter them out...give some away. But, how can I give away "freaky hair" doll? I used her as my "focal point" while giving birth to my first daughter. Not that it helped in any way...
Certainly, two of the three stuffed Ariel dolls could get donated...but then there goes the "grandma, mommy, and baby Ariel" dynamic I hear about so often...

Maybe the scary chimp my mother gave them that she got from some medical conference...that is strange beyond words. What medical company hands out stuffed chimps? I think he used to be wearing scrubs, too! YIKES!

Oh, well..."King Daddy Fun Guy" figured out a way to get the girls to stuff all the animals in pillowcases (which I later had to empty out and put back on the pillows), but at least I didn't have to corrall them all...

And, as you can sort of see in the photo my hubby took with his I-phone, the girls loved every minute of it. King Daddy Fun Guy strikes again!

Freedom, Freedom, Freedom, FREEDOM...-George Michael

2008-10-11T17:28:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's about time I used one of George Michael's songs as a title to a post...I was, after all, the girl he KISSED in the music video "Careless Whisper"...There was no "gay" going on that day...no, sir! I was the "good girl" as Happy Hour Sue has dubbed me. It was a funny thing...we did the kissing scene, and then they LOST THE FOOTAGE! We had to do the scene all over again!

I remember they flew his sister over from England so she could cut his hair during the shoot, too. I thought it looked fine...I saved a little bit of it, too, in case I want to clone him down the road, or sell it on E-bay to someone freakier than I am. Where is that little plastic bag of clippings? Hmmm...

Anyway, back to the title.

Today, I got to stay home ALL ALONE while my hot hubby and his parents took my girls and their little cousin to Legoland. Those of you who actually READ my posts, and not just look at the photos posted when I lose a pound, will recall that I have been to this theme park more times than I can count. It makes me nuts to go there, so I was able to send them on their merry way, and have some ALONE TIME!

What to do, what to do?! Well, I took "step and sculpt" class yesterday at the club, and let me tell you, the 53-year old who teaches the class could give any starlet a run for her money. Chickie is sportin' some rock-hard muscles, and at about 5'5", must weigh about 100 and change. Amazing. She kicked my butt! I woke up this morning unable to move my neck properly, but that's OK, because I LOST ANOTHER POUND! I guess I really don't have to move my neck that much when working on my blog, anyway, right?!

Inspired, I climbed up on the treadmill and walked my imaginary "bridge to nowhere" for an hour. I watched "Hotel Rwanda" while treading, starring actor Don Cheadle. Fabulous acting...not good to watch if you have PMS, as it is a true heart-breaking story. I highly recommend it, though...

I vaccuumed the house, wrapped the gifts for the THREE kids parties we have scheduled for tomorrow, emptied the dishwasher, watered the plants, edited a wedding's worth of photos, and have been reborn! With my little chores done, I sat down and took a breath. What a great sound it was that filled the house...the sound of SILENCE!! All I could hear was the whisper of the breeze in the palms, and the birds chirping...it was truly a spectacular day. The weather was 69 degrees, and sunny. It was just a perfect day. Thought I would share that with you...will post a weight-loss photo soon...have to find the box of pictures of me from "back in the day". I think it's right by that Ziploc bag of curly brown hair...

Baby Got Back...-Sir Mix-A-Lot

2008-10-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

Baby got some MONEY BACK! Yeah, G's that's the way we roll...Uncle Sam is going to have to send back some of the dead presidents we sent him! Can you say TAX REFUND?! Oh, YEAH!

Here's how it went down...

The phone rang.

I saw the caller I.D..

It was the accountant.

I debated whether to answer the phone or google a good divorce attorney (apparently my hobby of "collecting receipts" is sending my husband over the edge).

I grabbed the remote handset, went on a hunt for nitroglycerin, took a deep breath, and pushed the "talk" button.

Me: "Hello?"

Our Bean Counter: "Lisa?"

Me: (I guess he knows who he called, so...) "Yes?" (as if I didn't know who was calling me?!)

Billy Beans: "It's Bill ".

Me: (Feigning a "happy-go-lucky" tone), "Hey, Bill, what's up?" (besides our tax rate!)

Billy Beans: " Well, (here is where I almost puke),

it looks like (feeling the bile rising)

you are going to (here it comes...the song lyrics "I owe, I owe, so off to work I go" pop into my head...a demented rendition of Snow White's dwarves #1 single "Hi-Ho")

get back "x" from the feds, and "4x" from the state.

(Note: x does not = millions. Ha, ha, ha.)

Here is where I am pretty sure Billy Beans decided that yes, I was indeed a "screamer". Words cannot express my glee over NOT having to write an additional check to the government for taxes this year. My husband works his butt off for us, and to hear about how much Uncle Sam takes in taxes is heartbreaking.

I am SO happy about this...I had to get the taxes done before our extension ran out, which did not allow for blogging or twittering for about a week. O.K., I did check in now and then, but I was upset for days. Now, I am back to being a bloggering twit, and am wondering... what I can spend the refund on? Hmmmm?

(see photo...it would pay for a windshield wiper...almost...and there's Molly in the background calculating the tax, tag, and title fees!)

(note to self: find out if "dwarves" is a real word)

The Love Remains The Same...-Gavin Rossdale

2008-09-30T22:17:00.000-07:00

So does my weight. No photos this post.

What the "h-e-double hockey sticks" has happened?

Have I not been diligent? Have I not counted (almost all) the calories? Have I not written them all down in the little"High School Musical" notepad I swiped from my daughter? Have I not boarded the "dread-mill" faithfully for an hour at 4.0 m.p.h. except on Sunday when I am SURE God would want me to rest a bit?!

I have encountered what all great roller-coaster riders fear the most. A plateau. A level, even, steady...something. The flippin' scale hates me. I have tried all my tricks. I even contemplated cutting my hair to shed some weight, but remembered that I did that LAST TIME I was on a diet. RATS! What to do? I know to eat something every two hours, and to make sure to eat AT LEAST 1200 calories a day, and watch the salt, blah, blah, blah.

I can only PRAY that I am building muscle (which weighs more than fat) with the weights I have started to carry while on the treadmill. Also, I wear 5 lb. ankle weights on my ankles all day (when they match my outfit!). Just so you know, those puppies are REALLY good for toning calves and upper thighs! DUDE! I am so serious! You don't even feel them after a few days!

Anyway, I am sad to have missed several days of posting on my blog, tweeting with the "twitter- moms" and other "tweeps", and generally surfing the web, but the good news is...I FINISHED MY TAXES!!!! KAHLUA TIME!!!! You have NO IDEA how happy I am that I am done with this mind-numbing task. Mostly it was mind-numbing for my hot hubby, who can not fathom how I could spend so much money. I guess shopping at "Tar-jhey" and "Costco"and "The WALL-MARK" doesn't cut it if you go three times a week! EACH! I am SOOOO cut off for 2008!

For now, I am going to bask in the knowledge that all the receipts are in their proper files, all the info has been sent to the accountant, and all the Kahlua in my glass is as "chill" as I am!

Can I get a "Whoop-Whoop" up in here?

Whip It Good...-Devo

2008-09-26T10:06:00.000-07:00

Two more pounds down=two "former" photos posted!

I didn't have time to post yesterday, but I lost another pound as of yesterday morning, and did my treadmill, and was pretty good on my diet until "Ladies Night Out" with the "Crosby-otches"...we live in a neighborhood called "The Crosby Estates", named after singer/actor/legend Bing Crosby. I think it used to be his land or his ranch or something until they leveled all the beautiful orange groves to put up McMansions. Anyway, I jokingly call the ladies who live here (we meet once a month socially) "Crosby-otches". Some know it's a joke, and some...well, not so much. They are really cool, funny, talented, intelligent, and well-maintained. You should see the grandmas! They look 40-ish!

We had a blast last night, but since I was "all out of calories" for the day, I didn't eat much for dinner...just had 4 potatoes (in the form of Vanilla Vodka!). Whoa! I got up this morning, and ANOTHER pound had gone the way of the dodo! YAHOO! I can see why doctors are concerned about "alcho-rexia"...I can SO see how people could "save up their calories" so they can drink. Anyway, tonight I am meeting with my OTHER mommies from my daughter's old school...we are going country line dancing. YEEHAW! Another "Ho-Down!" I will post photos soon!
(And yes, the whip is mine. I brought it to the shoot!)

"Another One Bites the Dust"...-Queen

2008-09-24T17:57:00.001-07:00

The scale does NOT LIE!

UNLESS...when you get on the scale you angle your feet JUST right,

and make sure you "go potty" just before,

and take off all your clothing,

and your jewelry (even your pierced earrings that you NEVER take off because they will jump into the sink and go down the drain),

and while you're at it, take off all your nail polish,

and be sure to exhale all the air out of your lungs,

and shave yourself into "pre-pubesence",

but for GOD'S SAKE, DO NOT weigh yourself just after a bath or shower. Talk about "water weight"...PUH-LEEZE! (Don't you know that water absorbed by your thirsty little pores can add a pound or two? YIKES! )

Having done all of this, with a little prayer, I stepped on my nemesis, the scale, and...drum roll please...

I am down another pound.

Happy dance, happy dance!

Who's doing this with me? C'mon...someone said they wanted to be "lookin' fine in 2009"...let's go!

I'm Going Down...-Rose Royce

2008-09-23T10:54:00.000-07:00

Well, the scale is anyway... I am so excited! Before going to bed last night I didn't eat a box of snowcaps, or have a Kahlua nightcap...just went to sleep a little hungry. I heard you shouldn't eat 3-4 hours before going to sleep. Anyway, the scale rewarded me this morning with 1/2 pound gone! No A.P.B. here...hasta la vista, baby...and take your nasty friends with you!

I am up and ready to finish my stupid taxes and get back on the "dread-mill" for another episode of "walking with the stars". Yes, with the sweet refrains of "Baby Got Back" and "Fergalicious" to help me keep the beat, I shall strut my butt down 4 miles of recycling vinyl.

I put some "former" photos into frames on the treadmill tray to motivate me, and have decided that when I reach my goal, I am going to have a spa day. In France. Or someplace else where they like Americans. Fiji, maybe. Anyway, keep the faith, all those inspired by the NQHE calendar...and keep me posted on your progress! Love the support and happy for those joining in!

Now just WEIGHT a darn minute...

2008-09-22T21:32:00.000-07:00

Sue, the creator of "HappyMealsandHappyHour.blogspot.com", is my blogger idol. I do not hide this from anyone, and I proudly admit it. She is one of the funniest and kindest people I have never really met, though often type to. Recently, she and her blogger buddy "McMommy", whom I also admire, posted a blog site called the "NOT QUITE HOT ENOUGH" calendar. This was posted as a "tongue in cheek" retribution for a "real" Hot Bloggers Calendar contest that Sue and McMommy did not win, though they should have, for sure!

Anyway, it was a site where bloggers could post their photos for a non-existent calendar. These could be funny photos, recent photos, photos from "back in the day", whatever. It was great fun, and very entertaining. It has also inspired me to take action.

I posted a few photos from a time in my life where I laughed at the two-dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts that I could eat in one sitting. "Ha, ha, ha, ha", I would say to them. (insert sound of a Hoover vaccuum here!) I did this at my mom's house in Florida once (ask her...I did not even get out of the chair!), and came home to L.A. to discover I had LOST 5 lbs. What the h-e-double hockey sticks??!!! Those were the days, my friend.

Now, just driving by the flashing "Hot Doughnuts Now" (I call it my mating call) puts 10 lbs. on me. Did you know they now offer "Mini Krispy Kremes"??? These are the demon-seed of the regular sized doughnuts...tiny enough to allow you to think you can "just have one little..."(insert sound of Hoover vaccuum here).

Like the "Hoover", it sucks. I am weak, and I have no willpower, and my husband married a hottie, and he is still smokin' hot, and rich and powerful and all the chicks in his office are young and smart and gorgeous, and I am going to do something. I am going to eat another doughnut...no, no, NO!!!! I AM NOT!

I am going to be INSPIRED by Sue (again) and those old photos that WERE NOT EVEN RETOUCHED, and the ego-boosting comments that were posted about the pix, and get on the freakin' treadmill! There will be less of me by Christmas, and more of the self-esteem my swimsuit modeling, Krispy-Kreme eatin' ass had "back when".

My hot husband deserves it...he works so hard to give us a great life, and I deserve it. Plus, I might want to be a cougar someday if he ever dumps me for some 23 year-old Krispy-Kreme eatin' secretary. Just sayin'. Grrrrowwlll!!!

Fast forward two hours:

I DID IT! One hour at 4 miles per-hour...that's uh,...four miles. Right. I was never too good at math...I am going to drop 10 and NOT celebrate with doughnuts. Word.

The Day After 9/11

2008-09-12T09:28:00.000-07:00

I couldn't get myself to post yesterday...it was the seventh anniversary of the most tragic day in American history (to me). I opened up my fave blog, "HappyMealsandHappyHour", ready (needing) to take in yet another posting that would most likely make me pee my pants with laughter, only to find a "play" button atop the image of an airplane. THE airplane. Well, one of the four that would change American history. It was hard to click on that "play" button, but with the lump forming in my throat, I did it. The poignant video tribute that ensued unleashed a torrent of tears. Impossibly horrifying, these events.

I then remembered that in the days following this catastrophy, all the homes and cars in our area donned American flags...citizens showed their support and patriotism in any way they could. Where were those flags that I had wedged in my car windows? I remember they were in such high demand in our neighborhood back then, that we forked over $20 a piece for what I am sure cost the entrepreneur a few dollars. Capitalism at it's best!

I had seem them recently, as we had just moved into our home six months prior...now where was that? I walking into my kitchen, and in the first drawer I opened (spooky!), my two flags were there, all rolled up on their posts, ready to be unfurled. I put them on my car, and grabbed my kids' pack of window crayons. These will TRASH the windows in your house, but work GREAT on the rear windows of an SUV! I wrote "7 Years Ago Today...9/11" . The response was incredible. Honking from everyone, everywhere we went! Thumbs up! Smiles! I was crying all over again. OK, I am crying now, too. God Bless America, and may nothing like this happen ever again, anywhere.

Of course, Molly looked at it all as just another photo-op.

Color Me Mine

2008-09-09T22:56:00.000-07:00

Will my children remember how clean it is under my kitchen sink (this week)?
Will they remember that each day when they came home from school their bed was made and their clothes were neatly organized in their closet and drawers?
Will they recall that the garden was weed-free and that all of dust bunnies had been rounded up from beneath the sofa?
Unlikely.
Will they remember their mottled green and pink ceramic kitten and purple, pink, and blue blotchy turtle "piggy bank" that took 3 hours to paint at Color Me Mine?
You bet.
Because I am going to make sure those ceramic suckers do not break before I can give them to them as wedding gifts!
We now have a menagerie of crazy, strangely colored, surreal looking ceramic characters, that have cost enough to make us worry about making the mortgage payment!
I will ALWAYS remember the joy on my daughter's faces when I tell them we are going to paint ceramics, and the pride they feel when their creations are "all done"...though I internally beg to differ...
I struggle with "not sweating the small stuff". Lately, I have made it a point to focus on the "fun factor" each day.
Remind yourself that your children WILL NEVER BE THIS AGE AGAIN. (My friend Shannon has this printed out and posted above her computer monitor).
It will change how you face each day for the better!
Have a good one!

Tooth Pix (as in "pictures") get it?

2008-09-08T22:17:00.000-07:00

It is my oldest daughter's first year of REAL school...first grade. She will soon pose for her first REAL school photo in first grade in her first year of REAL school. This is to happen today, Monday. This past Saturday, I was brushing her teeth before bed.
Her:"Ouch!"
Me: "What?!"
Her: "That hurts!"
Me: "What hurts? Your teeth?"
Her: "Yeah...this one!"
Me: "REALLY?!"
I look...she wiggles it... I gag. REALLY.

IT has happened. My BABY is going to lose her first tooth. I didn't lose my first tooth until I was SEVEN! She just turned SIX! (Oh My God She Is SIX!) What's up with that? Anyway, it will take at least a month or two to actually fall out, right?

So, Sunday came...I am hopeful, and off photographing a wedding. I come home at 2 A.M. to hear that "Riley's tooth fell out today". Golfing with Daddy turned into a "let's eat Milky Way candy bars in the golf cart party", and the caramel made it's claim. So, now I am sad that I missed the actual event, (though I probably would have been too queasy to look!), and bummed, because I know the school photos will be taken Monday!

Prior to my arrival home at 2 A.M., the tooth fairy had given Riley eight (count 'em---eight) quarters (?!!) under her pillow in exchange for the tooth... and 28 cents must have fallen out of her fairy pouch, because it landed under little sister Molly's pillow on the bunk bed below.

Note to Daddy: Isn't it crazy that the tooth fairy put COINS in a KID'S BED???!!! Daddy???!!!! Doesn't that tooth fairy know that can be DANGEROUS?!?!? Daddy??!! Doesn't the tooth fairy know that Mommy needs quarters for the parking meters and the tooth fairy should put them in her kitchen cabinet in the coin sorter???!!!

Realizing this, the tooth fairy (after I got home at 2 A.M.---did I mention it was 2 A.M.!!??) slipped a Hamilton under Riley's pillow. (Inflation. I got a buck "back when".)

So, before school on Monday, I try to teach Riley how to smile so that the missing tooth doesn't show. Then, I thought, we should embrace this rite of passage, and really make sure that we CAN see the dental abyss. We practice both smiles, in case the school photographer offers options. Yeah, right. That'll happen...

Monday afternoon, I pick her up from school, anxious to hear about her "photo session". The bell rings...she exits her classroom beaming. I am hopeful.

Me: How did it go?

Her: I got 100% on my math test!

Me: No, no, how did your photo go? Show me how you smiled!! Did he let you show your missing tooth? Did they let you do more than one pose? Show me how you smiled! Did they brush your (perfectly stunning auburn locks which I styled so diligently this morning) hair? Show me how you smiled!

She then smiles the smile of an angel, head perfectly tilted to one side to highlight the lovely bow in her hair, and seems to "make" her eyes twinkle just a little...enough to get me misty for a second...I said A SECOND...

Me: That's how you smiled?!!!

Her: Yep!

Me: Did they let you show your missing tooth for one? (hoping for an actual "photo session")

Her: They only gave me one chance!

Me: OK...we'll take some at home...just in case.

I can tell the Grandmas are happy right now... they'll be wanting some hard-copies...

Hey, Aunt Sally, recognize the dress you gave her when she was 3?
It fits now! It's her favorite, too!

This one scares me...she LOVES the camera...demanded her own photo.
Happy Monday, Y'all...

Hunting for Twigs and Berries

2008-08-30T23:24:00.000-07:00

I have a feeling this is not legal in many of the "red" states. Of course, I live in California, and I must say that I am not all that shocked...first Ellen and Portia get married, (though I know my husband would like to marry HIS Porsche...), and now this!

"Uh, do I know you from somewhere?"
"Gee, your butt smells terrific!"
"I know I left my keys around here somewhere..."

Please, people...give me some great captions for this one...I need a good laugh!

Back to School

2008-08-29T21:16:00.000-07:00

As promised, these posts are out of order. And, as promised, here are some pics of the offspring on their first day of school. I just couldn't seem to get around to picking out the photos. It seems there really are a zillion things to do (napping) when the kids are back in school. It's just overwhelming! (Just joking, T...you saw the file box of taxes I went through, and though you never have dinner ready when you come home from a hard day at work, you always have a nice, clean house to come home and not eat it in, right?! Love you, baby...)

Tom says I can get either one of these outfits for myself.

(Like I don't already own them! PUH-LEEZE!!)

Never one to pass up a photo op...

First day of school 2008-2009!

Molly refused to wear her name-tag sticker, since it didn't match her ensemble perfectly. (Wherever did she get that trait??!!) I would hug her, and try to stick in on her back, but she would reach behind her back and pull it off. I finally told her she was "such a good girl" while patting her on the head, strategically placing the sticker on her hair bows. Then I asked her about her new shoes in order to get the photo. Sneaky Mommy. Jesus would not be happy.

Then she found it. Rats.

Day 2 of Back to School

2008-08-27T13:53:00.000-07:00

Sing along, now...

Stop, Hey, What's that sound?
Everybody look what's goin' down...

Uh, that would be ME! For a NAP!
N-A-P, yeah baby, you heard me right!!!!

The kids are back in school, and I haven't slept properly all summer (or for the last 6 1/2 years for that matter!) and I am going to catch (hunt down, trap and hold hostage) some ZZZZZs!!! We are going horizontal, captain...Yes, I am getting very sleepy, very slee...zzzzzzzz....

Later that same day:

OK, I went down for a quick hour, woke up three and a half hours later, only to realize it was time to pick up the kids from school! I was "Happy Mommy" for the rest of the afternoon, and all through my Hip-hop dance class. That's just the way I roll.

Can I get a "whoop-whoop" up in here?!

2008-08-25T20:01:00.000-07:00

School started again today...I am pretty sure it is going to be difficult to put into words the way I felt after dropping the second one off at her little Bible-thumper pre-K class..."To God The Glory!" is their motto. Pretty much sums it up!

At first, I didn't know which way to turn out of the school/church driveway. Turning left meant going home and working out and finish the taxes due last year, and cleaning, making the beds, watering the plants, blogging, painting the guestroom...

A right turn would take me to Starbucks, Target, grocery shopping...I opted for the caffeine. As usual. I figured if I could get all hopped up on my White Mocha Frappucino Light with 3 pumps of white mocha (which means it is no longer a "light"...), hitting Target, the grocery store, treading for an hour on "the mill", finishing the taxes, etc. would be a breeze.

Bucket 'o "bucks" in hand, I pushed my red buggy all over Target, got a real steal on 17 boxes of crayons for .17 cents each (coincidence? I think NOT...) for my older daughter's classmates...yeah, I can buy her some more friends with colored wax...

Before I knew it, I started to feel strange. There was no one asking "Can I have these (red, pink, silver, multi-colored, all of the) sparkle shoes?" No one declaring their upcoming bodily functions, (usually this happens when we are at the furthest possible point from the ladies room) .No one asking "are we done, yet?", "can I get a (my 42nd) Barbie?", or stating, "I'm hungry (thirsty, hot, cold, tired, sick, bored)", "I need that Hannah Montana shirt...PUHLEEEZE!" At least they use their manners, I guess...the point is, I missed them. For about 10 minutes.

The next thing I knew, the timer on my oven was dinging. It was time to rinse the $7 haircolor out of my hair (no more Black Crack Attack!), pack up the tax paperwork strewn all over the kitchen, and pick the kiddies up from school. The day flew by. I never got on the treadmill...and have elected to spend the few hours before I collapse blogging. Happy Hour Sue was right. It will eat up your life in a good way. I am loving it.

Random Thoughts

2008-08-24T22:52:00.000-07:00

Is it necessary to trim off the edges of each "Box Tops for Education" label? Will the school still get the dime if they are "raggedy", Ann? (Couldn't help myself!)

Do all moms lick the tops of the Trix kiddie yogurt cups after opening them for their kids?

Speaking of licking, I swore I would never use my own saliva to clean my kids face. It was an emergency.

Why do I, as a relatively new blogger, let my happiness hinge on the number of comments I get each day (if any)?

How much do I hate (am jealous of ) my husbands I-phone? Or any PDA for that matter...he paid so much attention to those flickin' dots on the bubble-breaker game...I called it "ball-buster". His new phone doesn't have it...yet. There IS a God!

How did the summer pass by so quickly? I am back to slapping peanut butter on frozen bread and it feels like school never ended. I am glad we have photos from the "Summer of Fun" to prove it really happened...just like my wedding!

Note: It is MUCH easier to spread peanut butter on bread when the bread is frozen...you can then put the "sammich" back in the freezer overnight, and it will defrost by the time the kids have lunch. Also easier to frost cakes if they are a bit frozen!

Legoland-and-and...

2008-08-23T23:32:00.000-07:00

As if the pain I have endured STEPPING on these darn Legos was not enough payment, I get to go to an entire PARK filled with them! Not only did we pay for admission, we actually bought a year's pass!!! Masochists! (The park is pretty close by, though, so if ever my kids are really healthy, and need a good dose of germs, it is just a brick's throw from our house).

The kids with some "Blockhead" tourist we met at the park...

The girls' cousin Matthew came down with my brother Bud and his lovely wife Cherie, and we all "hit the bricks", so to speak. Plus, Legoland was on the "Summer of Fun" list, and being the masochist I am, felt compelled to take the girls a third time.

We had a really nice time. The kids ingested enough sugar to keep their dentists in business, and Matthew and Riley got to climb up a "rock wall". Matthew made it to the very top!

"Surely, you 'joust'..."

"Who's Shirley?!!"

The roller-coasters were cool...though Molly is still just short of the 42" height requirement. Despite selecting her high-heeled "Dora" sneakers (worn with extra thick socks!) and piling her 42 hairs on top of her head "palm-tree style", the Legoland Height Police would not let her pass. Next time I am going to put those pocket kleenex that have been in my purse for 7 years to good use, and stuff some in her extra thick socks! Just joking. Ish.

Dance Like There's Nobody Watching

2008-08-23T22:47:00.000-07:00

Well, the dance lessons have started...AGAIN! Here are some pix taken just prior to class, and then later through the one-way glass in the dance studio. They install it so the kids can't see their parents in the hallways "demonstrating" the proper way to do a plie' or Pas de bourrée. (Yes, I had to look up those terms in Wikipedia!) It is comical, especially since we...uh, I mean, THEY...the OTHER PARENTS must do it with a bucket of Starbucks coffee in their hand!

Princess Molly: (gasp) "Where did you get those tap shoes?! They are just fabulous! They match your tutu perfectly!"
Other Princess: "Ya think ?!?"

(It is fun to make up stories about what we think they are saying in the studio, since we can't hear them...(until they throw a fit that would shame the Tasmanian Devil, that is...)

We made it through the first classes, with only one princess out of 17 having a melt-down. You guessed it..."Princess Molly". After a soothing talk from "King Daddy (Hot-Guy) Tom", she dutifully returned to her class to learn pirouettes, grand jete's, and....oh, let's face it. They were jumping over shoes (?) and twirling sticks with ribbons tied on them, and having a marvelous time. For the price of these classes, to which we are committed to paying for for the next 10 months (!), you bet your tutu they better be having fun!

Three Days Left-Anchors Away

2008-08-21T18:32:00.001-07:00

The items on the "Summer of Fun" list are slowly getting checked off...one of the remaining adventures listed was to go on a boat or cruise ship. Well, since going on a cruise actually requires GOING ON A CRUISE, which my husband is allergic to, we opted for the "San Diego Bay Ferry" which shuttles passengers between downtown San Diego and Coronado Island. Molly was excited to learn we were going for a ride on a "ferry", adding that "she must have really big wings".

My sweet friend, Karrie, told me that the best way to undertake this task was to drive over to Coronado Island (over one of the highest, scariest bridges in existence--did I mention my fear of heights?!) and park there, since you can park for free (instead of taking a mortgage out on your house if you want to park on the city side--even then, you can be sure you will get a parking ticket!). I digress. Anyway, once aboard the ferry, it is only a 15 minute cruise across, and 15 minutes back, with a short break in between to restock tourists. Gotta love those socks and sandals!!

Oh, and bribing with pizza and ice cream helped...the girls told me I could have both if I would take them on the boat, so I did. Yummy!!

Once on Coronado Island...white knuckles and all...we were afforded a most wonderful view of the city. We actually lived there (see below) for about 10 months while house-hunting. It was fun. Sort of.

Another great day, another adventure checked off the "Summer of Fun" list, and another reason for mommy to have a Kahlua!

Two Days Left...Yeehaw!

2008-08-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

Today we got up at the crack of 9 and headed over to the east 40 to ride a pony named "Skeeter". We donned our best western duds (no, these are NOT clothes from an affordable hotel chain!), we hitched up the SUV, and after innumerable "are we there yet"s, settled in over at El Capitan Ranch. Miss Cheryl and Mr. Jason were on hand to help us navigate the rough oval terrain (also known as the pony ring). We practiced our moves on a saddle that sat atop a hay bale. Mommy made some weird reference to a saddle atop a "Christian Bale". Is that hay from Jesus' farm?! (Just joking, Mel...and Tom!)

We also met lots of animal friends at El Capitan Ranch... "Avery" the Vietnamese Pot-Bellied pig, "Kitties 1,2, and 3", "Taz" the Beagle, "Kaelin" the black fluffy dog, a mule with a funny fly mask on and "Skeeter" the pony!

(*** Some of the animals mentioned are not pictured...they would not sign photo releases, and we couldn't locate their agents in time!)

Before we could take a ride around the pony ring, we had to brush Skeeter. First, we used a circular motion with these rubbery palm-held brushes..."wax on, wax off." Then we got to use what looked like a scrub brush to brush Skeeter's coat. It was almost time to ride!

Skeeter was really well-behaved during this part...

We think he really enjoyed getting all the dust brushed off him...he had just been rolling around in the arena a few moments prior, which Miss Cheryl said was just his way of "getting some of his energy out". Mommy said this was not something we could try at home, that it was best left to the professionals!

Riley was the first to get ready, and with her safety helmet on, she was ready to go!

Yeehaw! Here we are, in all our little cowgirl glory!

At the end, Molly was plum tuckered out! But, not too tired to pose for just one more photo...

We really enjoyed our time at El Capitan Ranch, and practiced asking Daddy for a pony of our own the whole way home! Oh, that was Mommy. Right.

Thank you, Miss Cheryl and Mr. Jason!

Life's a Beach

2008-08-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

Moo and Roo digging to China. Have to check the date on this one...

Four Days Left!

2008-08-20T21:09:00.000-07:00

A ride in a hot-air balloon was "high on the girls' list" (pun definitely intended), and since trapping two young children for several hours without a "Leapster" or a "Dora" DVD or "Barbies" in a real hot-air balloon (a floating basket that could become incendiary at any given moment) is NOT my idea of fun...to the San Diego Wild Animal Park we went!

They have there a giant "hot-air" (really helium-filled) balloon. I think the thing was made in FRANCE, so I was a little suspicious...did I mention my fear of heights? It is right up there with a shortage of Krispy Kreme doughnuts, so it is SERIOUS!

We also rode on an incredible merry-go-round (well, the girls rode, and mommy clung for dear life to a nearby brass pole...wait...that was last Saturday night...oh...) where all the skewered fiberglass beasts could be found alive and well in either the Wild Animal Park or the nearby San Diego Zoo. The girls really enjoyed the spinning around and around...(yep, they're my girls! Kahlua does the same thing!) Molly rode the hummingbird, and Riley went for the classic black and white striped zebra. Very slimming!

We then "hopped" on over to the lilypad area for another "photo-Hop"...get it?...like "photo-Op"?

I crack myself up.

It was a great day...three days to go!

The "Summer of Fun"

2008-08-20T18:55:00.000-07:00

I promised my two little girls, six-year-old Riley and 4-year-old Molly, before school ended last year a "Summer of Fun", during which we would do something "fun" each day. I guess I should have been more specific. "Fun" for whom? Them or me?

Anyway, I only missed two or three days, when planning a bunko party (it was my month to host and we never even get around to actually PLAYING Bunko...more about that later!) and for a photography job. As for the missed days, the girls seem to have either forgiven me, or forgotten. I actually tried to convince them on those days that pouring water out of colorful empty hairspray and shaving cream lids while in the bathtub was LOADS of fun!!!
I think they bought it! :)

Anyway, the girls wrote down (in crayon, of course) a list of all the "fun" adventures they would like to have during the summer, and away we went!

I will be posting the photos from our "Summer of Fun" here on the blog, but due to my inability to organize my life, my photos, (or due to ingesting excessive amounts of Kahlua), they WILL be out of order!

I am addicted!

2008-08-20T18:25:00.000-07:00

I thought Starbucks was bad...this "blogging" business has got me hooked! My husband and some close friends just laugh at me and my "newfound" activity...seems "blogging" has been going on for several years. I guess I WAS born yesterday, in some respects. In any case, I now contribute to another blog as a "series regular", and enjoy posting comments on several other fave blogs, most notably, HappyMealsandHappyHour. Sue, the owner of HMAHH is a comic genius, and has caused me to feel what can only be referred to as ANGER when I pull up the spot, only to discover that she has not posted since my last visit. My friend Deb says that she would read more blogs, but that they can "eat up your life". Her kids are looking a bit thinner, now that I think about it...

In any case, here goes...